Again, if you’re anything like me, you may frequently find yourself watching TV with someone’s roommates on a first date or hearing all about their ex (who they’re clearly not over) one week in. If this is true for you, too, it may be time to examine your dating patterns.
Though bad luck in the romance department is certainly not your fault, noticing your habits, and moreover, how to modify them, can help dating suck a little less. “Find the patterns and figure out how they are negatively contributing what’s going on,” Martinez says. “Are you dating the same person over and over? Are you reacting in similar ways to each partner?” Recognizing the bad stuff can be helpful (read: No more people that don’t text me back in a timely manner). However, Martinez shares that noticing the stuff you do like about dating is a great practice, as well. “Think about some of the consistent positives and do more of that,” Martinez says. Whether you respond well to verbal affirmations or prefer to have first dates during the day, noticing what you like about dating can reframe your love life in a positive way.
Maybe your last six dates ended with you walking yourself home to eat Cheez-Its in your pajamas, or you can’t even think about kissing someone right now. Point blank: the hunt for romance can be pretty far from romantic. Try taking some time for yourself and thinking about what you really want. While going out with a boo can be fun, taking yourself to dinner or spending time with friends can be a guaranteed good time. And though your dating luck is sure to turn around soon, being kind to yourself is a practice that lasts forever.