Congratulations to all those who became instant millionaires this weekend. No rush, but you guys can go ahead and send the standard 2% blogger’s fee to my Venmo (@kevinish) at your convenience. PayPal also works.
Song of the Day: “Roll Away Your Stone” by Mumford and Sons.
Word of the Day: Pasquinade.
PROTOTYPICAL. One of my favorite quotes from Damon Arnette – and good lord, there are many – is when he called Kendall Sheffield an “action figure” after his first practice as a Buckeye following his transfer.
He was not wrong. Sheffield did look like a damn action figure, which meant he just fit right in amongst all the other Super Solider-esque individuals who look like they were assembled in a lab for the sole purpose of playing football.
Like Jeff Okudah.
Soon after arriving at Ohio State last year for his only season with the Buckeyes, he met Okudah.
The first impression was a lasting one.
“Looks like a made-up video game character,” said Hafley, now Boston College’s head coach. “He’s got the size, the length, the speed and crazy acceleration for how big he is. When I got there, I saw it. I saw it on tape.”
This was a guy who longed to win the Jim Thorpe Award, which is presented to the nation’s top defensive back. He made a screenshot of the award statue the wallpaper for his phone before he had ever intercepted a pass in college, before he became a feared defensive back, before he had even played as a full-time starter.
Okudah was a finalist for the award.
“And he should have won it,” Hafley said emphatically. “It just shows you. He does not want to be ordinary. He wants to be the best. That’s just the guy’s mindset and it’s probably been that way forever.”
To that last point, it already quite clearly bullshit at the time when Okudah lost the Thorpe Award to a dude who wasn’t even the best defensive back on his team. And with Okudah becoming the highest-drafted cornerback in the past 23 years and Grant Delpit going in the second round as the ninth defensive back taken, it got sooooo much worse.
“EVERY TIME I PLAYED HIM.” Normal Harbaugh has watched his brother’s team get stuffed in a wood chipper by Ohio State for the past five years, so he’s finally going to do something about it – take two Buckeyes for himself.
He hadn’t taken a Buckeye since 2013, but he snagged both J.K. Dobbins and Malik Harrison in this weekend’s draft. And as a tradeoff for what they do for him on the field, he might just have to endure a little trash talk from time to time as their alma mater continues to make his little brother look like… Well, their little brother.
I might give him a little bit of flak about it. We beat his brother every time I played him. JK on playing for the other Harbaugh brother now.
— Andrew Gillis (@Andrew_Gillis70) April 25, 2020
Normal said his brother helps him out with scouting a lot of the big ten players, and I would pay to tap that phone call.
“This shithead broke a 40-yard run while fumbling. Even his disasters are more productive than any back we’ve had in decades.”
HE GOT NEXT. Losing two cornerbacks to the first round of the NFL Draft would sting a hell of a lot more if my favorite sportsball team didn’t have a knack for simply “shitting out another player,” to quote the dark lord Nick Saban.
It’s true – my extremely entitled ass absolutely expects my team to be great regardless of any roster turnover, injuries, suspensions, alien abductions, etc., etc. There’s a chance my expectations are too high, but that’s what happens when you carpet bomb three top-10 teams in a row to win a natty with a third-string quarterback.
But this time, my arrogance isn’t even a reach. Jeff Okudah and Damon Arnette are out, but they’re leaving a future first-round pick behind, and everyone knows it.
God Willing, He on the Clock… pic.twitter.com/B2tdqLuvno
— Randy L Wade% f@Ly….. (@gslsff) April 25, 2020
It still feels unfair that Ohio State got the two-best cornerbacks in the 2017 class. And I hope it feels every bit as unfair when they get the three of the four best defensive ends in the 2021 class.
(I’m not too big on fair.)
LAWYER UP. Contract lawyers are going to be working their asses off in the coming months if COVID-19 causes any non-conference game cancelations. Because of millions of dollars and the financial well-being of quite a few athletic departments could hinge on interpretations of a signed piece of paper.
The cancellation of the college football season won’t just result in massive revenue losses for athletic departments.
It could spark court cases across the country, pitting the sport’s blue bloods against relative lightweights, arguing the specifics of force majeure clauses in game contracts. At least that’s what one former high-ranking Power Five administrator and an attorney with experience in college athletics believe, telling The Blade that they think a litigation collision course is inevitable if the coronavirus pandemic wipes out nonconference games.
“General counsels all over the country are looking at these contracts,” said Bowling Green State University senior associate athletic director Kit Hughes. “Everybody is looking down the barrel of these guarantee games and the potential that there could be some cancellations.
“But what does that actually mean? Certainly nobody has COVID-19 listed in a force majeure clause, and something as specific as a global pandemic wouldn’t be mentioned. I think everybody is looking at those things. We, like [Ohio State], would take the lead from our general counsel’s office.”
“It obviously would be a huge hit for us with a budget like ours,” Hughes said. “Let’s assume if we don’t play Ohio State that we’re also not playing Illinois [Sept. 19]. Our net from our four guarantee games this year is $1.725 million. You look at that net over our operating budget, and that’s a really significant hit.”
That sounds nightmarish all around, but it can all be avoided by simply playing football in the fall. So let’s just bank on that, please, and thank you.
THEY’RE STEALING. The Chargers snagged the most productive wide receiver in Ohio State history in the seventh round. It was outright theft, and they know it.
*sees kj hill available in the 7th round* pic.twitter.com/fxAIvSGk0d
— Los Angeles Chargers (@Chargers) April 25, 2020
This is at best the second-best Tweet to ever come from that account, but it’s damn-near Hall of Fame worthy nonetheless.
NOT STICKING TO SPORTS. Police respond to a girl’s “Help! Get me out of here!” sign, but she was just struggling with homework… ex-convict who impersonated FBI agent on online dating sites gets three years in prison… Stanford grads volunteer to be exposed to COVID-19… How the fake Beatles conned South America… Inside the mission to give bone marrow transplants to Chernobyl survivors…