Dear J: How can I bring up to my crush that I have feelings for her?
J: The best way to go about confessing your feelings is to be direct about it so that neither party leaves the conversation with any misunderstandings. Figure out what you want to say and run it by a couple of friends first. You want to be clear that you like them more than a friend, but don’t lay it on too thick. For example, writing a long paragraph or talking for 10 minutes about how you’ve been in love with her for years is too much and comes off as too obsessive.
First, decide the modality in which you want to do it, whether it’s virtual or in person. Either a FaceTime or in-person meeting is fine, but try to avoid text. Texts can be hard to read, and you don’t want to be anxiously waiting for a reply, so find a time that works for both of you.
Then, figure out what you want to say. Again, don’t make this a one-sided speech. Say what you need to say (“I think I have feelings for you”) and give her room to respond. Don’t expect an immediate reply because this may take some time to process!
Even if the response is not what you were hoping for, you can feel good in the fact that it’s out there and no longer a burden, and make it clear that you’ll still be a good friend.
Dear J: I am single and am hoping to meet someone in college, but I feel as though I have trouble opening myself up to people. It feels especially difficult with classes online and very few opportunities for interaction. I’ve considered dating apps and such, but I don’t feel like they would work for me. Is that my best option, or do you have any advice besides dating apps?
J: Because there are very few opportunities right now for interaction because of COVID-19 and online classes, I do think dating apps are a good alternative. You mention that you’ve considered dating apps and you don’t “feel like” they would be for you, so I would encourage you to give it a shot. There are many different kinds of dating apps (not just Tinder), so one of them might surprise you. But if you give it a try and still decide that it isn’t for you, that’s totally okay too.
Even though some classes are virtual, you can still private message someone you think is cute on Zoom. You can also do that for club meetings you have. I know many clubs are doing “speed-friending” activities. You could also try meeting people in your cohort or dorm. There are group chats for everything; you just have to find them.