It’s getting to be that time of year, the Fall and Winter seasons. This is the time of year that most people want to be with loved ones or cuddled up for the cold weather. And then after that, Valentine’s day, where we’ll want someone for that holiday too. Let’s face it single people… we probably want someone at all times of the year, even if we live in a time where many people celebrate their “single-ness” and “independence.”
Online dating sucks. There are so many reasons that people should get online to date. For example, for me, as a person who belongs to the L.G.B.T.Q community, it is hard to know who is heterosexual in person. At least online, I can go on Tinder or Bumble and swipe right on men who are looking to date other men. Swiping right means you “interested” in someone and swiping “left” means you are “not interested.” For others, they might not be around many social groups that allow them to get to know others and potentially start dating. Some of us are also just really shy, and we prefer to tell someone we like them online.
But what is my problem with online dating? Well first of all, you are swiping based on someone’s profile which includes their picture and their (most poorly) written autobiography. But many of us are not even interested in reading the “about-me” sections, we just look at their pictures, make a quick judgement and swipe whichever way we decide. The problem with this is that you’re now basing your potential romantic interest based off of something superficial rather than the substance of that person. And once you do match with someone, a conversation seldom becomes initiated by either party.
Another reason online dating can be problematic is having too many expectations. For example, someone who sets their tinder picture as an older picture of themselves, or even a picture that has been photo shopped or filtered. This creates a false image of your true everyday self and not only that but it makes the other person expect so much more from you. People look at you on these online dating apps and start creating so many superficial expectations about you. This creates a lot of nervousness upon meeting.
Getting “ghosted” is when you’ve been talking to someone and they stop responding to you and drop communication altogether. This could mean blocking you from imessege, blocking you on Instagram or unfollowing you, and the worst one, not doing any of those things and just literally never responding to your texts ever again but sometimes liking your pictures on Instagram. Getting ghosted is not exclusive to online dating, but I do feel that many people who are on these dating apps are people who do not really know what they want.
You both go on two or three dates, you guys bond and share some sentimental moments and then all the sudden, you never hear from them again. Months later, you finally get a text from them and they tell you they just aren’t ready for a relationship. But they continue to engage on the dating apps that they found you on. Then you feel like you wasted your time.
Some would say that online dating has changed their lives, and we could all collectively agree that it is true, some people really do find their soulmates online. Apps are now integrating newer ways to make people engage with each other through online dating. For example, the app Bumble encourages users to start a conversation by adding recommended sentences or questions once you matched. If you do not start a conversation on this app, the match “expires” and you can no longer speak to that person after 24 hours. The dating app Plenty-Of-Fish has also announced recently that they’d be banning profile pictures with filters. This is in an effort to make users choose more “real” photos of themselves versus something that is altered and can set a high expectation.
Although these efforts are undergoing, it is still tiresome to go on these dates and have to re-tell everyone what your favorite color is and what your sun and moon sign are. It still gets annoying to answer the question “so tell me about yourself” once you’ve matched with someone. It is a never ending challenge of going through hoops just to meet the right person. I just think it is better to meet someone in person, talk to them, find out that you’re interested in them and take it from there, the old-school way. This just feels less defeating and more genuine. After all, they say you always find someone when you are least expecting it.