SLAMABAD: After endlessly swiping through pictureless profiles on dating apps, Muhammad Ali Shah still hasn’t found the one — or really anyone — to get serious with in Pakistan.
In the ultraconservative Islamic republic, where arranged marriages are the norm, he says many women choose to stay anonymous, making online dating matches tricky.
“It’s slim pickings,” sighs the 36-year-old entrepreneur living in the capital Islamabad, saying friends have called him “desperate” and a “man whore” after going on dozens of dates over the past three years to little avail.
Unlike in many countries where meeting online is routine, Pakistanis who use dating apps regularly face harassment and judgmental relatives — and now also have to contend with a government clampdown.
Women users in particular fear possible retribution and often reveal little about themselves — using cartoons, avatars, or random pictures of nature instead of a profile photo.
“Girls aren’t comfortable…so they don’t really put their pictures or their real names. So it’s a guessing game,” explains Shah.
The self-described conversationalist relies instead on humorous ice breakers with new matches to kickstart chats, and only asks for a picture if the potential date is comfortable and possibly up for meeting.
“Most of the time I’m just left swiping because there aren’t any pictures. There’s no real information. The names are not there,” he says. “I don’t blame women for being so careful. I actually think it’s very smart.”
Securing a date is just the first hurdle. In the self-proclaimed “Land of the Pure” — where sexual relations outside marriage, and homosexuality, are punishable with prison sentences — the dating culture is unfamiliar.
“People don’t really understand the concept [of dating] in Pakistan,” explains Shah, who started to use the apps after his divorce.
“You meet them once or twice and then they will be like ’we are looking for something serious.’” A 27-year-old woman from Islamabad who was brave enough to post real photos and her name told Agence France-Presse that it was “kind of taboo to be on Tinder.”
“I was getting phone calls from friends saying ’I can’t believe you’re on Tinder,’” she said, asking not to be named, adding that she connected with both women and men. But she eventually deleted the app once business clients started trying to interact with her on it.
She says some of her friends who were willing to take the risk have found varying levels of success, but only after going on carefully planned dates.
“What we do when a friend of ours is going on a Tinder date, we normally just hang out at the same place,” she adds. “We make it sort of safe.”