Should I put the word ‘feminist’ in my online dating profile?


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Dear Eva,

I feel I should put the word “feminist” in my dating profile, because it’s a huge part of my belief system and core values. However, I don’t want internet dating to become a trolling experience. What do you think?

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Hey, you,

Putting ‘feminist’ in your profile may well attract some trolls, but it will also likely help you save time by not chatting with men who aren’t believers in equality. So if you’re prepared to delete the occasional missive from a numbskull, go for it. People say that online dating is a numbers game, and it is to the extent that it helps you to increase the numbers of people who you may meet. But ultimately you probably just want to meet one person, so if your profile prevents you from meeting folks who you categorically don’t want to meet, that’s no bad thing. Just try and eliminate them by positive means – flagging that you’re a feminist or a Yankees fan, for example – rather than writing, say, ‘I don’t want to meet any misogynist assholes’, which may make non-misogynists think you sound a bit judgmental.

Dear Eva,

What’s with the photos of men posing with drugged tigers in their Tinder pictures? Do they think it’s attractive or is it an internet meme? Am I writing them off when they’re actually being really funny?

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Hey, you,

I think these men think it’s attractive. Usually they will have paid quite a lot of money while on an exotic vacation to pose next to the drugged tiger.

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It seems the men (and women) who post these photos believe that it signifies that they are well-travelled and adventurous. I think it signifies that they are unkind to tigers.

That said, the most egregious example of this that I have ever witnessed is a couple who posted an engagement photo of themselves kissing while also patting a passed-out lion, so I guess sometimes it really is just a matter of finding someone who shares your interests.

Dear Eva,

I’ve had one Tinder date and thought it went really well. I forgot to ask for her number, but she agreed to meet again. I thanked her over Tinder, and she replied that evening, but since then things have gotten tricky.

She went away a few days after our date, and I didn’t want to push things until she got back. So, I sent three messages: one with my number in case she wants it, one asking how she’s doing, and another after she got back to ask if she wanted to meet up again. She hasn’t replied. Tinder shows she hasn’t been active for a few days, so maybe that’s not so odd? I’m concerned about being overbearing. Do you think I’m communicating too much?

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Hey, you,

I don’t think you’re being overbearing, per se, but I do think you’re being over-enthusiastic. I promise: if a person wants to be in touch with you, they will get in touch. If you don’t hear from them, it’s unlikely to be because they broke their phone or all of their fingers. Rule of thumb for online dating and for regular dating and life in general: get in touch once, and if you don’t hear back, presume that the person is not interested (an exception: if you’ve slept with them, and they’ve gone silent, you’re also allowed to understand that they are ill-mannered, in which case you don’t want to see them again anyway!)

Source: The Guardian


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