There’s no such thing as a perfect time to get married, but for people who’ve taken the plunge, they’ll often say they knew when it was right for them.
Ceilidhe Wynn, an Ottawa-based matchmaker with Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, says you should get married if it feels right — even if it sounds corny.
“But more practically, you have to take a look at what your goals are,” she tells Global News.”In other words, when you can picture it. And, personally, I think it’s better not to rush.”
Wynn adds when you rush into marriage, your gut is often telling you to slow down or get out of the relationship completely.
“Another sign you’re rushing it: you’re crazy in love but are you comfortable in companionship? Marriage isn’t about waking up with heart-eye emoji face every day,” she continues.
“It’s about seeing the exact same person next to you every morning and evening. It’s hearing their same jokes, knowing all their stories; and it can be absolutely wonderful. But if you can’t sit in companionable silence together, without touching, without sexual contact, and be comfortable, wait until you can.”
And if you’re with someone who isn’t into the idea of getting married, Wynn says it is best to sit down and talk about it sooner rather than later.
“You need to think really long and hard about why you do or do not want to get married. Ask yourself what marriage means to you, what’s the value in it, what are you getting out of it. Maybe you’ll find that marriage isn’t as important as you thought,” she says. “Either way, I’d be cautious about compromising on something like marriage, or children. These are major life events and if they’re a part of your core values then compromising on them might create resentment down the road.”
Below, Wynn shares six signs to look out for if you’re thinking about tying the knot with your partner. And although this isn’t necessarily the secrets to a successful marriage, it should help couples navigate if marriage is important to them in the long-run.
You’re more than lovers
“You are lovers but more importantly you are friends,” she says. If you’re going to spend every single day with this person, you need to make sure this person is also considered one of your dearest friends. You can be open with them, you can trust them and spend most of the day with them.
You share the same values
“In other words, do you picture yourselves living your life in parallel ways?,” she says. Values can range from how you feel about having children the importance of culture or religion, and goals you have in your personal or professional life. You don’t need to have everything in common, but it is always good to be on the same page.
You respect each other
“If your core values aren’t the same, your respect for each other’s core values is,” Wynn says. “Here’s an example: one of you is a vegetarian but the other isn’t. Is the non-vegetarian OK with you not eating meat? Do they pressure you to do so? Do you pressure them to restrict their diet? Or do you both embrace each other’s preferences and respect your differences?”
You like each other’s families
“You like or at least tolerate each other’s families.” This doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, she adds, but remember that you don’t just marry your partner, you marry their family and anything else that come with them.
The wedding doesn’t matter
“You’re ready for marriage if the wedding doesn’t matter … If you could go down to city hall tomorrow you’re ready.” However, this doesn’t mean you have to. “You can still throw a big party with family and friends. But you have to be sure you’re ready for the lifetime event and not the one-time experience.”
You trust your gut
“When you know, you know. It seems so simple and yet it’s probably the most important factor. You’ll know when you’re with the person you’re going to marry,” she says. You may know on your first date or three months into the relationship. Whatever your timeline is, you will know.
“And chances are if it’s been years and you still don’t know … they’re not the one.”