Sex with guy from work was amazing but now I’m being stalked online by his wife

Dear Deidre

I ENJOYED a passionate weekend with one of my colleagues but now his wife stalks me online. I’m really frightened.

I am 29, he is 36 and I know I have been really stupid.

I should not have got involved with this guy when I knew all along he had a partner.

But I had been feeling very low since my relationship ended six months ago.

He told me he was not happy with his wife, either, because she gave him no affection or love and sex was a thing of the past. She is also 36.

We started meeting in our lunch breaks, sometimes going for a drink after work, then he began texting me in the evenings — when we flirted and exchanged nude photos, although I made sure my face was never showing.

His wife was away one weekend and he spent it with me.

We had the most amazing time, mostly in bed — and he is a fantastic lover.

Then he suddenly stopped replying to my texts but his wife sent me a message on GooglePlus saying: “What the hell are you playing at, sending my husband nude pics? Make sure you stay away in future.”

She must have found the photos on his phone.

She also started following me on Facebook and Twitter so I blocked her and deactivated my account. He must have told her my name, as we have never met.

I feel really violated. I keep Googling myself to see if there are any hate blogs or if the pics I sent have been posted. I have started imagining her turning up at my work or home.

He avoids me at work so I cannot talk to him about how I am feeling.

I played with fire and got burned. Close friends are saying it will blow over but I am not sure.

I have learned my lesson, will never send pics of myself again and will not mess around with guys who are in relationships.

The online world is cruel. Every day I wake up hoping I will never hear from this woman again.

DEIDRE SAYS: This has been a nasty shock but hopefully you won’t hear from her again, now she has vented her anger. If she does contact you, resist any temptation to respond or defend your behaviour, which will just wind her up further.

If she becomes threatening, either online or off, be clear that you will go to the police if needs be.

Her husband was responsible for his own actions and his cheating is no excuse for her to harass you.

Find support through the National Stalking Helpline ( or 0808 802 0300).

You will be wiser thanks to this experience and not so willing to listen to a sob story.

Is it OK to bed my brother’s stepkid?
Dear Deidre

I AM sexting my brother’s stepdaughter. It will cause ructions if we get together but would it be so wrong?

I am a guy of 28, my brother is 32. He has been with his partner for just three years and they are very happy. She is ten years older than him and has a daughter of 25 from her first marriage.

This girl and I got on well from when we first met and we started flirting a few months ago. Now we sext most days.

We have never slept together but both want to.

We are each single so it’s not like anyone else is involved, but every time we talk about it we end up agreeing it is just not right.

My brother has a son so my nephew is her brother and we love him to bits.

Yet I don’t think I can just walk away from this girl, especially when we see one another all the time.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are not blood relations and there is no legal reason why you cannot have a relationship.

Before you take things further, back off for a while – no sexting – to be sure you are serious enough about one another that it is going to be worth making waves in the family.

My fiance denies he has a drink problem
Dear Deidre

MY fiancé refuses to accept he has a drink problem and our relationship is in tatters.

I am 32, he’s 35 and we have a son aged seven.

We clicked the moment we met ten years ago and our sex life was fantastic. But now he spends all the time he can in the pub.

I’ve twice caught him talking dirty to other women on the phone when drunk.

I ended it but took him back when he promised to cut down on drink. But it didn’t last.

Sex is awful now. He never gets an erection when we kiss and there’s no foreplay.

His dad is an alcoholic but he says he’s nothing like him.

My son asks why his dad doesn’t take him out – but he spends weekends sleeping in, then goes to the pub.

DEIDRE SAYS: Being the partner of someone with a drink problem is frustrating.

But you can’t fix the relationship on your own. Tell him it is crunch time – if he wants to save his marriage and be the dad his son deserves, he has to seek help – or his son will suffer like he did through his own dad’s drinking
Dear Deidre

EVERY time we have a girly night out, my best friend gets off with some lad. Her boyfriend plans to propose at her birthday party next month. But it will feel so wrong just sitting there, watching and not saying anything.

She has been a flirt and her fiancé knows this – but not the full extent. I am 19, my friend is 20. Her fiancé is 23 and a lovely guy. He adores her and treats her like a princess.

My friend and I went with some girls for a week’s holiday in Thailand. She got off with a guy in a club the first night and didn’t show up until the early hours. There were two others that week. We are getting sick of her behaviour. I don’t know what to do.

DEIDRE SAYS: Casual sex with strangers is highly risky, as well as abusing her boyfriend’s trust. You and her pals should tell her she is on self-destruct. Urge her to get help. My e-leaflet Young And Worried? explains how.

Dear Deidre

MY husband said he would have no trouble filling his days when he took early retirement – but he just sits at home moping most of the day.

He is 60 and worked for the same insurance company for 40 years. I am 55 and work part-time but also volunteer at the local school, which I enjoy.

I socialise with friends and try to include him but he never enjoys himself.

He has few interests. I think he’s depressed. I try to be understanding but he is pulling me down.

DEIDRE SAYS: Do not just assume he is depressed. Insist he sees a doctor to rule out any underlying, treatable medical condition.

Enjoy seeing your friends – without including him if it’s not his idea of a good time but offer to join him in an activity he fancies, even if it is chess club.

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