Radio producer Jana Hocking (pictured)
An Australian radio producer who writes a monthly column on her relationship escapades has opened up about virtual dating in isolation – and the ‘drunken’ date that saw her potential match walk away.
Triple M producer Jana Hocking, 34, is no stranger to dating apps – and is an advocate for using them in the modern era – but wasn’t used to getting to know someone solely online or through video chats.
She matched with one man who seemed promising and after a phone call the pair decided to take things further with a video streaming date.
‘We moved to Zoom. We did Houseparty dates. It went really well and we had 10 dates,’ she told James Weir and Carla Bignasca from the Not Here To Make Friends podcast.
When lockdowns began to ease in New South Wales they decided to finally meet up in the real world, and Jana visited the man’s apartment.
It wasn’t long before she ‘thought’ she liked him and was thinking how romantic their story would sound – having met in isolation – if they eventually got married.
But sadly one ‘drunken’ encounter with him spelled the end of their romance.
‘It was the night we had a lot of gin and I might have said a few ugly truths he didn’t like. I basically went white girl wasted and said, “I’m not in this for sex! And if you’re in this for sex, you can get lost!” He didn’t like that,’ she said.
It wasn’t long before she ‘thought’ she liked him and was thinking how romantic their story would sound – having met in isolation – if they eventually got married (Jana left)
‘So when he sent me a big message at 6.30am the next morning saying, “This is why I never want to see you again”, I just wrote “fair call.”https://www.dailymail.co.uk/”
While their story ended that hasn’t stopped Jana from receiving a number of direct messages on Instagram from concerned would-be boyfriends who aren’t sure why they’re receiving mixed signals from a potential love interest.
‘They’ve read the articles I’ve shared on insta, or watched the odd TV appearance I’ve made to chat about said articles, and felt the need to reach out with their own questions,’ Jane wrote on Whimn in April.
Jana Hocking (pictured during isolation)
So in a bid to share her knowledge Miss Hocking poured herself a glass of wine on April 14 and opened her direct message inbox to the public, asking ‘what do you blokes want to know about women?’
She had between 80 and 100 messages from confused men looking for answers.
Do women watch porn?
This was an easy answer for Miss Hocking to answer, and she simply replied: ‘Yes, yes they do. Even the quiet ones.’
She attached a graph that explained which categories of porn women engage with the most to provide more of an insight.
Lesbian videos, ‘romantic’ options and ‘threesomes’ were the top choices across the board.
Should we go big on the first date or keep it more low-key?
Miss Hocking argued that fancy gestures on round one weren’t the best idea, given you might work out ‘in the first five minutes that you’ve been catfished’.
Instead she recommended taking your date to a restaurant or bar you like so she can get a taste for what you enjoy, which provides an insight into your personality.
Once the feelings are mutual between the two of you it’s okay to plan something more romantic.
She had between 80 and 100 messages from confused men looking for answers
Why do so many cancel before the first date or without warning?
‘Honestly because they’re not that invested,’ Miss Hocking said to the annoyed suitor.
‘If you’re really excited for a date you would never cancel. You may have a million wines beforehand to calm the nerves but you go on the date.’
She said this kind of behaviour should ultimately be considered a blessing because the date clearly would have been a waste of your time.
‘If you’re really excited for a date you would never cancel. You may have a million wines beforehand to calm the nerves but you go on the date,’ she said
Would you be put off by advances from an older guy? Or is age just a number?
Miss Hocking said she wasn’t personally affronted by the idea of dating an older man, although she once got together with someone 20 years older than her and it was a ‘snore-fest’.
She answered the question by saying she doesn’t understand why older men set their Tinder preferences to only match with women in their 20s and 30s when ladies in their own demographic would be just as interesting.
So while age can be just a number, it’s also important to date ‘within reason’ so you have things in common.
Why does the girl I’m getting to know go from hot to cold?
This could mean that she’s not 100 per cent convinced you’re the right one, Miss Hocking said.
She might be enjoying the attention she’s getting but also want to keep her options open.
Girls who behave in this way might also be ‘playing games’, which is a sign of insecurity. They might not want to commit for fear they will eventually get rejected.
Women who don’t reply generally aren’t interested, she said
Would you prefer being ghosted or should he just say he’s not that into you?
Miss Hocking firmly disagreed that ghosting was ever the answer to ending a courtship.
‘Always tell a girl. If you don’t it looks like you have no balls and imagine if your mates found out you ghosted someone? It’s just embarrassing,’ she said.
‘Be better. We’re fine and we can handle it.’
Why do women match with you on dating apps and then unmatch when you send a message?
Miss Hocking believes most women would only unmatch a date if a man’s opening line was either cheesy or sleazy in nature.
If it was just a simple question then you’re more likely going to get a response.
However, if it looks like your copying and pasting a response to all your connections this will come across fairly quickly, and should be avoided.