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Gilmore Girls: Paris Geller’s Shadiest Burns, Ranked

Incredibly dedicated, ambitious, smart, and aggressive, Paris Geller wasn’t your typical mean girl, though she was indeed a mean girl, at least when the show began. Her tough exterior was just a disguise to cover her many insecurities, though. Paris was not only one of the most consistent characters in the show, she was also a deeply complex one that never stopped evolving.

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Her bright mind made her the perfect instrument for sarcasm. She had zero tolerance for nonsense, and she laid the truth without any delicacy. Her bluntness sometimes got her into trouble, but one thing is certain: her takedowns never failed to entertain.

10 “If You’re Having A Bad Day, Find A Ledge Or Way To Deal”

On her first day as the editor of the Yale Daily News, Paris gave a speech for the ages. While most bosses try to create an open space where communication flows, Paris makes it clear she’s not most bosses. Instead, she basically belittles her staff, telling them her door is not open for any of them, ever.

It’s a terrible way to start and one of the many reasons why she’s fired from the job. At one point, her entire staff goes on strike, refusing to work as long as she’s the editor. Still, her speech remains as funny as it is intimidating.

9 “Brad, You Got Your Beans?”

Fans of the show will remember Brad, the Chilton student who leaves school for a brief stint in Broadway, playing Jack in Into the Woods. He’s terrified of Paris, and, before leaving, would tremble in fear at her presence.

When he returns, he competes against Rory and Paris to deliver the televised speech at the Chilton bicentennial. Determined to win, Paris intimidates him by singing the songs from Into the Woods, succeeding in shaking his concentration. Just because he enters the office to read his speech for the panel of judges, Paris asks him this entry’s question, further shattering his confidence.

8 “I Can Scare The Stupid Out Of You, But The Lazy Runs Deep”

Early on in the show’s seventh season, Paris begins an SAT tutoring business. She employs her unique brand of tough love and straightforwardness when interviewing her prospective students. While analyzing one particular girl named, Paris notes that the girl’s C average means she’s either lazy or stupid.

Fortunately, Paris can work with both of those, though she prefers the stupid rather than the lazy. It’s a short but hilarious scene that perfectly captures how, despite her manic and controlling nature, Paris always gets results, one way or the other.

7 “I Don’t See One Person In This Room That Shouldn’t Be Sterilized Immediately”

In season five, after Asher Fleming’s death, Paris decides to play the field. She tries speed dating but finds all the male participants to be boring and simple-minded. However, when she sees Doyle, her editor at the Yale Daily News, she celebrates, having finally found someone who she can relate to at an intellectual level.

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As the two talk about the circumstances that brought them to speed dating in the first place, Paris makes this entry’s scathing remark about the people around them, before changing the subject. It’s the beginning of the Doyle-Paris romance, and, while it ends in their eventual divorce, it’s still a great ride.

6 “I Like The Nanny Too, I Cry Sometimes When She Leaves”

A Year in the Life gave audiences an update on Paris’ life. It turns out that she really is a success story, being an MD, a lawyer, an expert in Neoclassical architecture, and a certified dental technician.

Still, Paris is greatly affected after seeing her high school crush, Tristan. Locking herself in the bathroom with Rory, she laments the state of her life and says that her kids hate her and would rather have the nanny. Then, because Paris can shade even herself, she admits that she, just like her kids, cries when the nanny is gone. Paris is definitely one tragically relatable parent.

5 “I Shouldn’t Be Talking About Love Or Sex, Especially Since You Don’t Have Any”

Shortly after Luke and Lorelai’s break-up, the older Gilmore goes to visit Rory at her apartment at Yale. Finding both Doyle and Paris, she tries to make small-talk, only to realize that she’s stumbled upon a domestic quarrel between the couple, who have still not put a label on their relationship.

When Paris remembers Lorelai’s recent break-up, she regrets talking about her own relationship in front of Lorelai. This is a time when Paris genuinely tried to be considerate of other people’s feelings. However, even empathetic Paris can’t help but being a straight-up savage.

4 “Between The Overt Cuddling And The Inappropriate Flirting, I Feel Like I’m Running A Bordello”

As Paris’ tutoring business booms, she actually needs to hire help to meet the demand for her services. Her entire staff of mentors, Rory included, opt for a gentle form of tutoring which clashes with Paris’ more direct approach.

When she overhears one of the male tutors going too easy on a girl who finished a sentence with a preposition, Paris angrily scolds him for seemingly flirting with the girl. Rory also receives a reprimand before Paris makes it clear she will not allow any more gentleness from them. Her remark about how she feels like she’s running a bordello is honestly as hilarious as it is exaggerated.

3 “I Was A Little Busy Trying To Get Air To My Brain Cells. A Burden You’ve Not Yet Faced”

Near the end of the third season, Paris gets her nose pierced. However, she has an allergic reaction, and her nose swells to four times its normal size. She then proceeds to dramatically describe how she had to go to the emergency room where they pried the piercing out of her nose and put her on antibiotics.

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When Louise asks her if she took a picture, Paris dry and condescendingly replies with this quote, confirming how one does not simply mess with her.

2 “You, Logan Huntzberger, Are Nothing But A Two-Bit, Spoiled Waste Of A Trustfund”

Paris and Rory’s friendship suffer yet another blow after Paris is fired from the Yale Daily News and Rory’s made editor. Paris then kicks Rory out of their shared apartment, forcing the latter to move in with Logan. However, after Rory finds out that Logan slept around (a lot!) during the brief time they were separated, she feels hurt and betrayed and leaves his apartment.

She goes back to Paris, who’s having her own issues with Doyle. The two bond over their love lives and reaffirm their friendship. When a guilty Logan shows up at the door, Rory refuses to see him, so Paris goes to meet him instead. She then delivers a scathing takedown, saying he offers nothing to women or to the world and if he were to disappear from the face of the world, the only person who would miss him is his Porsche dealer. Ouch!

1 “No, It’s National Baptism Day. Tie Your Tubes, Idiot”

In case it hasn’t been made clear enough, Paris has absolutely no tolerance for stupid questions. In the seventeenth episode of the fourth season, she and Rory stay behind at Yale during Spring Break. They get caught in the rain and get back to their dorms, soaking wet.

As they enter through the crystal doors from which the pouring rain is clearly visible, a girl asks them if it’s raining. Already angry and freezing to her bones, Paris gives her a truly nasty response, but one that’s nonetheless hilarious and which proves why Paris may very well be the most savage character in the show.

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