STEVE N ALLEN: The secret to successful Zoom dating has been revealed | #speeddating | #tinder | #pof | #blackpeoplemeet

I FEEL lucky I am not still on the dating scene. I imagine that’s a common feeling. Many people are probably happy I am not on the dating scene, my other half hopefully, and also the rest of the people on the dating scene.

It’s even harder to find someone during a pandemic, when it’s against the rules to be near people.

I know some people who have been trying to do Zoom dating. It’s interesting that just over a year ago if someone used the phrase Zoom dating you would have thought they meant speed dating but were trying to set a personal best.

People have been having dates online via video chat services. I can’t think of anything worse. Not only are you going to be judged on your conversational skills and appearance, like in a standard date, but you also have to worry about your internet speed and webcam quality.

Maybe it’s because up until The Mash Report was cancelled last week – and let’s not talk about that – I used to work in TV so I know how long it can take to get the lighting and make-up right.

A new survey has found that houseplants and a neatly-made bed are the best things to have in the background of a Zoom date. I can understand the pot plants but the bed seems a little forward. If you have a prepared bed in-shot during a date it either looks like you’re trying to drop hints or you live in a really small studio flat.

It is better than an unmade bed. That would look like you’re a slob or a Tracey Emin art collector.

I haven’t been Zoom dating but I have been booked as a guest on various TV channels that have you on using Skype and the pressure of knowing the whole world can see what’s behind you is too much.

I didn’t point the camera at any bookshelves because I know how they get analysed by people on social media. I own a copy of How To Be Funny by the late America comedian Steve Allen and if anyone saw that there would be the predictable “why don’t you read it” tweets.

I bought a green screen that I can put behind me and now I can make it look like I am sat anywhere during the interviews. I could be in a newsroom, in a coffee shop, or my personal favourite, in front of a bookcase with clever people books on it.

If you get one for dating I can sell you a picture of some houseplants and a made bed.


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