Remember The 5 Love Languages book that ruled the ’90s? The premise is that people perceive and show deep emotions through five distinct love languages. The names are trademarked, of course, but they boil down to doing favors, enjoying intimate moments, giving gifts, sharing kind words, and spending time together.
It turns out that online romance scammers often use tactics akin to a “love language,” too. But unlike the romantic behaviors in the book, a scammer’s love language isn’t meant to gain empathy or understanding. Scammers just want their victims besotted and vulnerable as quickly as possible so they can steal their money and move on.
So, who are the people getting scammed? How do scammers groom their victims? To find out, I spoke to Ashley Rose, CEO of Living Security, an online security training firm, about the dangers of online dating and what people can watch out for as they seek their soulmate online.
How to Avoid Online Dating Scams
Decoding the 5 Love Languages of Romance Scammers
Rose told me that sometimes, there are warning signs that may indicate an online scam is afoot. I’ve boiled these signs down to five love languages that romance scammers may use when luring a victim on a dating app.
1. Acts of Speed
Rose said scammers try to lock down the relationship quickly. “Scammers [are] trying to get your heart connected. They’re saying, ‘I love you,’ and they’re moving very fast in the relationship,” she said.
2. Receiving Money
Money requests in any form are a giant red flag when it comes to online dating, especially for older victims. “Don’t send money to anyone you meet online,” Rose said. “That should just be across the board.”
3. Requests for Information
Sometimes, your personal information is even more valuable than cash to a scammer looking to commit identity fraud. Rose said, “Things like your birthday, your Social Security number, your banking information—all of that can [allow] the scammer to take on your identity.”
4. Faked Photos, Videos, or Voice Calls
It’s important to verify whether the person sending you photos is the person you’re speaking to online. Rose said, “If they’re sending you images, you can do reverse image searches on Google. Many of these scammers are taking people’s pictures from social media accounts or somewhere else online and sending them.”
Remember that the rise of generative AI means scammers can create believable fake profiles now. They can use real people’s photos and videos to generate new photos and videos that look almost indistinguishable from reality. You won’t know if you’re being catfished or defrauded unless you see your lover in the flesh.
5. Virtual-Only Touch
Be wary of people who always have an excuse not to meet in person. “If you’re trying to meet up and you set a time and date, and then, ‘Oh, I have a business trip that came up,’ or somebody got sick, or this happened, they’re avoiding in-person meetups,” Rose said, warning of common red flags.
The Most Popular Online Romance Scams in 2025
Don’t feel bad when you realize you’re talking to a scammer. It happens to a lot of people. In fact, according to a recent survey from Malwarebytes, more than 66% of respondents had been targeted by a romance scammer online, with just under 40% of these advances happening within the past six months.
Most of the online dating scam targets (74%) were men over 55, though 26% of victims were between 18 and 54 years old. The good news? Most of the people responding to the survey figured out they were being scammed before they lost any money. However, the people who did give access to their cash lost a lot: 10 percent reported losing more than $10,000 to a romance scammer.
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Unfortunately, AI technology makes pulling off these kinds of scams incredibly easy. In McAfee’s 2025 Modern Love study, a quarter of survey respondents said they or someone they know has been approached by an AI chatbot on a dating app. 52% of people surveyed said they’ve lost money to an online dating scam.
Scams Using AI-Generated Deepfakes
Be especially wary of receiving audio and video from possible scammers, as sometimes it’s created using AI that’s been trained to mimic the voices and present the faces of real people you know. If anyone sends you messages asking for money or making other urgent demands that seem out of character, remember this phrase before you reply: Don’t trust, always verify. If you can get in touch via a secondary platform (such as by phone or in real life) with the person you believe to be impersonated, do so to prove they are who they say they are.
Pig Butchering Scams
There’s also been an uptick in oh-so-unappetizingly-named “pig-butchering scams.” Interpol has asked us to refer to these crimes as romance baiting scams, not because the other term sounds gross, but because it dehumanizes the victim.
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The scams are pretty dehumanizing, too. Here’s how it works: A scammer contacts their victims via a dating app, social media, or SMS and starts a conversation. After building trust, they ask the victim to download an app or visit a website to invest in cryptocurrency. You probably know what’s coming next if you’ve read this far. The victim’s banking details go in, and the criminals clean the money out. Typically, the scammer deletes their dating profile from the platform immediately, so the victim is left high and dry.
Why Online Romance Scams Work
Rose told me that, historically, elders were prime targets for romantic ruses because they were less tech-savvy. But today’s scammers use info from social media posts to groom victims of all ages and gain their trust.
“The biggest factor is the amount of time and energy these scammers and criminals are putting into grooming,” Rose said. “Getting to know you, empathizing, really spending that time to build a connection before coming in and asking for a loan, funding, or an investment. It’s really causing smart, savvy, highly technical people to break down their guard and unfortunately get victimized.”
Rose added that scammers take advantage of the highly detailed information people share online to build rapport and gain confidence. “If you are talking about your favorite sports team, it becomes their favorite sports team. Anything that’s very personal can help them form a quicker connection, which is what the scammers are looking for, so try to protect that type of information.”
Navigate Dating Apps With Caution
These warnings may sound a bit depressing, but you can still find love and affection online. The important thing, according to Rose, is to go into the relationship with a healthy dose of skepticism and proceed slowly from that point. Scammers are usually impatient and will move on, while a real love match grows at its own pace.
Ready to dip your toes into the dating pool? Use the above suggestions and check out our picks for the best dating apps.
About Kim Key
Senior Security Analyst
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