Almost three years ago I created a guide on Ex Boyfriend Recovery which is still one of the most visited pages on this website.
What is it?
It was a page that taught women how to use text messages to get their ex boyfriends back.
Now, the thing you have to understand about that page was that I had just created this website and was in the process of still learning how every step of the “get your ex back” process worked. In other words, while the advice there was solid I know A LOT more three years later.
Heck, I have even written a book on the topic (The Texting Bible.)
Well, for the longest time there has been one thing that has been bugging me about Ex Boyfriend Recovery as a whole.
It’s the fact that there are a TON of visitors visiting that page every single day,
That are getting out of date advice.
This annoys me because if I am going to have the best site in the world on winning an ex boyfriend back I need to make sure that my content or “my message” is out of this world and when I look at that page I don’t get an “out of this world” vibe.
Instead, I get an “out of date” vibe.
This page is my attempt to correct the shortcomings of that page as I am about to embark on a massive journey.
Ah, but this isn’t just any type of journey.
This is the type of journey where it is all said and done you are going to look at me and think,
“Holy crap… I feel like an expert on this topic.”
(Ok, I totally took that screenshot from the video game (Journey) but I couldn’t help it. Look how perfectly it fits into the theme.)
So, are you ready to start this journey?
I promise you won’t regret it as I teach you almost everything there is to know about texting.
What Do You Mean You’ll Teach Us “Almost” Everything There Is To Know?
I know what you are thinking.
“Why can’t you teach us everything there is to know?”
My response: Where would be the fun in that?
Ok, I am just kidding.
There are two reasons why I won’t teach you everything there is to know.
Reason #1- I Don’t Know Everything There Is To Know
That’s the truth.
I feel like over the past few years as I have built this massive following due to Ex Boyfriend Recovery you guys expect me to know everything and while I will admit that I know a lot more than the average person I definitely don’t know everything there is to know.
I learn new things about getting an ex back every single day but that’s kind of the beauty of this website.
As I keep writing for it my ideas become more refined and that ultimately leads you to have more success.
Of course, there is another more… self serving reason I am not going to tell you everything there is to know.
Reason #2- I Want You To Want More
I believe in honesty.
In other words, I want Ex Boyfriend Recovery to be the one thing in your world that you can trust and in order to do that I need to look out for your best interests.
And I think I have done that for the most part.
I give you guys a lot of information for free.
Information that others experts in my business are charging for.
However, this site cannot operate without money.
That’s a fact.
Due to EBR’s size and popularity I have had to hire designers, get a bigger hosting platform and literally spend hours upon hours constructing podcasts, website posts (and now I am even creating a professional YouTube channel!)
So, it’s almost like I have to sell some type of product on this website to keep it going.
I have found the best way to do this is to give you 60% of the information you need for free and then fill in the gaps by charging for 40% of the information that you need (with the additional benefit of going much more in-depth in the 60% I gave for free.)
Hey, I want to be up front and honest with you about how I operate this website.
You guys have done so much for me so it’s the least I can do.
So, you know what comes next, right?
It is at this point that most people will go into some long sales pitch about why they should buy their product.
But I am not going to do that.
Instead, I am just going to tell you that you may see me mention my recent book, The Texting Bible, throughout this article. I am not doing this to be spammy in an effort to make money (though I will admit I like making money as much as the next guy.)
I am mentioning it because it is relevant and I believe it can really help you.
If you are upset at me mentioning it please tell me in the comments and we can talk it out. I want to be very respectful of your needs.
Ok, now that, that is out of the way lets talk about texting an ex boyfriend.
Specifically, what has changed since the original article that I posted three years ago.
What Is The Main Goal For Texting An Ex Boyfriend?
And this is the point where I become unpopular.
Because I already know you are going to hate the answer that I give you when I answer this question.
There are two main things that I want you to accomplish when texting your ex boyfriend.
Are you ready?
Thing #1- I want you to build up as much attraction as possible
Thing #2- I want you to transition from text messages to phone calls.
Thing #1 is a given but what about Thing #2?
Well, in order to fully understand the thinking there we have to take a larger look at getting an ex boyfriend back.
Something that I talk about in The Texting Bible is this idea of the value chain.
What is a value chain?
I am glad you asked.
Take a look at the picture below,
This is where I start to lose people so make sure that you are listening really intently.
The value chain ultimately explains my entire strategy for getting an ex boyfriend back.
It’s a slow (but powerful way) of moving from a situation where your ex boyfriend doesn’t want anything to do with you to a romantic date in person where (hopefully) he will ask you to be his girlfriend again.
There are two parts to it.
Part #1 Of The Value Chain
I want you to take note of four sections above.
They are entitled,
- Phone Calls
- In Person (Small)
- In Person (Romantic)
I also want you to notice the order they are in because this is really important.
What this basically means is that when you try to get your ex boyfriend back you can’t just start off at the end of the value chain with an “In Person Romantic” encounter.
(Side Note: I have seen my fair share of women do this and fall flat on their face.)
Heck, you can’t even start off with something as simple as a phone call because I have seen women fail their too.
Instead, you are supposed to move up the value chain in the order I have outlined above (from left to right.)
Texting -> Phone Calls -> In Person (Small) -> In Person (Romantic)
This leads me to my next point.
Part #2 Of The Value Chain
If you scroll back up slightly you will notice that under the value chain in each of the four categories I have an arrow with a phrase.
That phrase is,
What I am basically saying here is that before you can transition between one of the four categories of the value chain you need to build attraction in each one.
So, here is how it looks when you add Part #2 into the fray,
Texting (Build Attraction) -> Phone Calls (Build Attraction) -> In Person (Small) (Build Attraction) -> In Person (Romantic) (Build Attraction)
That’s basically the value chain in a nutshell.
Care to take a guess at what this entire article focuses in on with the value chain?
Yup, this one entire massive post just focuses in on part one of the value chain. I suggest you pick up my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System if you want to see how the whole value chain flows together.
Anyways, our main goal here is to use text messages to build attraction up in your ex boyfriend and ultimately find a way to transition from text messaging to phone calls.
I know what you are thinking.
“Great… How do we do that?”
Patience Is Going To Be Required
I normally don’t feel a need to do this but because of YOU I have developed a pet peeve.
You see, I feel I give pretty solid advice.
I put a lot of thought into these write ups and take quite a bit of time out of my week to put them together.
So, it annoys me when a woman reads one of the articles, loves it and then when it comes time to implement it they fall flat on their face.
Guess what happens next?
Guess who gets blamed?
Of course, with me being me I try to figure out what went wrong in their situation.
That’s when I come to find out that not only did the woman not only follow the value chain idea that I mentioned above but she rushed things.
I am sorry to let you in on this but getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t going to be a fast process.
Anyone who led you to believe that this is going to be a super quick process where you can win your boyfriend back in the blink of an eye is lying to you.
This is not a fast process and it will really test your patience.
You see, I have been doing this for several years and one of the things that I have learned is that there are two types of women when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back.
- The ones who give up.
- The ones who don’t.
Would you like to know the main difference I have seen between the two?
The ones who give up are not patient and the ones who don’t are.
This is especially true when it comes to texting an ex boyfriend.
If you want to have any chance of success you are going to have to be patient because texting an ex boyfriend takes time and if you rush the process you WILL fall flat on your face.
Where The No Contact Rules Falls Into This Equation
Above I explained what you needed to know about the value chain and how we are focusing on just one little aspect of the value chain, texting.
But what about the no contact rule?
Where does that fall into play here?
I am glad you asked.
Ok, in order for me to fully explain this so that you get the clear effect I am going to have to pan out even more so you understand my whole get your ex back strategy (which you can find here.)
Are you ready?
You totally laughed when you saw the Borat thing at the end.
Truthfully though, this is probably the greatest infographic that I have ever created in the history of Ex Boyfriend Recovery because it perfectly describes my method of helping YOU win your ex boyfriend back.
I want you to specifically notice where the no contact rule comes into play.
You do it before you even send a text message or anything like that.
Thus, everything that I am going to talk about on this page is rendered useless unless you have first done the no contact rule.
So… do it.
Of course, I am a big believer in synergy and reading this guide or the material found in The Texting Bible is ideal during the no contact rule.
Because it gives you time to prepare on what needs to happen after the no contact rule.
Now, before I start getting into the specific text messages that you are going to have to send to your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule I think we should talk a little about our game plan first.
Specifically the idea of “Tide Theory.”
I do a pretty quick crash course of Tide Theory on the sales page of The Texting Bible and an even more in-depth explanation within the book. However, I am going to give you a pretty good explanation here since Tide Theory is kind of a huge deal when it comes to texting an ex.
In fact, it basically describes exactly how I want you to be texting your ex boyfriend.
I suppose I should just get started.
When you think of tides of an ocean or river what the first two things that pop into your mind?
- Low tide
- High tide
If you need an explanation of what these two look like then I can think of no better picture to describe it than this one,
The picture on the left basically describes the “high tide” where the water is super high and the picture on the right describes “low tide” where the water is super low.
But here is my question for you.
When it comes from a low tide turning into a high tide how does that work?
Does it just happen in an instant where you blink your eyes and all of a sudden the water is up to your knees?
It usually takes half a day to accomplish.
Little by little the tide moves up and up and up and up.
In fact, it happens in such an incremental and natural way that you can’t really pinpoint an exact moment where it goes from point A to point B.
What does any of this have to do with texting?
Well, I want you to think about that actual action that a tide takes to go from low to high or high to low.
The movement from low to high or high to low seem so natural doesn’t it?
What I basically want you to do is replicate this exact process while texting your ex boyfriend and make it look as natural as possible. In other words, I want you to go from a low tide, where you barely text your ex at all,
To a “high tide” where you are texting your ex all the time,
So, the question you are wondering at this point is how do I accomplish that with text messages?
How To Accomplish Tide Theory With Text Messages?
The real point of tide theory is to move from Point A to Point B in a very natural looking manner.
Now, making the text messages delivered to your ex boyfriend look natural is kind of complicated.
There are all sorts of things to take into account…
Now, I cover all of these things in-depth in The Texting Bible but today I want to talk about the frequency of the messages you deliver to your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.
One of the most popular questions I seem to get on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is, how often should I text my ex?
Seriously… Check this out,
This is literally one of thousands of messages like this.
Well, I think it’s time to put this type of question to rest.
What I am going to do is basically outline how I want you to text your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.
Day One: 2 Text
Day Two: 2 Texts
Day Three: No Texts
Day Four: 4 Texts
Day Five: 4 Texts
Day Six: 6 Texts
Day Seven: 6 Texts
Day Eight: 8 Texts
Day Nine: 8 Texts
Day Ten: 10 Texts
Day Eleven: 10 Texts
Day Twelve: 12 Texts
Day Thirteen:12 Texts
Day Fourteen: 14 Texts
Day Fifteen: 15+ Texts
I have a much more sophisticated way of spacing the texts out for Tide Theory in my book, The Texting Bible, but I think you get the general idea of what I want you to do from the little graph above.
A couple of things I want to mention here.
When I talk about the texts above I am only talking about the texts that YOU send. In other words, on Day Ten when I tell you to send ten text messages it is conceivable that twenty text messages could be sent that day.
Ten by you…
Ten by your ex…
Another thing I want to mention is that in order for this to work you need to be getting responses from your ex. So, if you don’t get a response from your ex you aren’t allowed to count any texts past that point.
Perhaps I should give you another example.
Alright, lets look at “Day Thirteen” where you are supposed to send 12 texts.
Lets pretend that you send your ex five messages.
(1) You: 1 Message
Ex: 1 Message
(2) You: 1 Message
Ex: 1 Message
(3) You: 1 Message
Ex: 1 Message
(4) You: 1 Message
Ex: 1 Message
(5) You: 1 Message
But after that fifth message you send your ex doesn’t respond.
Well, if that’s the case then that means that you technically aren’t allowed to move on to day fourteen where you are allowed to send 14 text messages. Instead, on the fourteenth day you have to again get to 12 text messages before you can move to the next level.
One final thing, on day fifteen do you notice how I am allowing you to send more than 15 messages?
Yup, by the fifteenth day you can send as many text messages as you want.
If you want to send 100 text messages then you can send 100 text messages as long as your ex is responding to them.
Spacing out your text messages in this way is going to allow you to create the desired effect of Tide Theory!
So, that’s it in a nutshell.
Well, I suppose we should start talking about the type of text messages you want to send.
The First Contact Text Message
This is the first text message that you are going to send to your ex boyfriend since the no contact rule has concluded and it has to be good.
I don’t think that quite sums up what I am going for here.
It can’t just be good…
It has to be phenomenal.
Still not enough.
This has to be the best text message that you have ever sent someone in your entire life.
That pretty much says what this text message needs to be.
That’s a good question.
Well, before I get to the details I feel like it would be a good idea for us to touch base with the tide theory strategy above since that has such a huge bearing on what type of text messages you are supposed to be sending (again you can check out The Texting Bible for a full list of messages.)
According to the Tide Theory doctrine on days one and two after the no contact rule you are only allowed to send two texts.
(You can see that here,)
What Texts Do We Send On Our Two Text Limit?
This begs the question.
What should these two texts be?
Simple, text one should be our first contact message and text two should be our conversation ender.
I am going to do a huge section on the first contact text message so lets start with the conversation ending message since that is a lot easier to explain.
The Conversation Ending Text Message
The purpose of this message is to end the conversation with your ex boyfriend in a friendly way.
Though I will admit that I sometimes prefer the harder way of ending the conversation by simply not responding to him.
But more on that in a second.
Here is an example of a friendly way to end a conversation with your ex boyfriend,
Notice how there wasn’t any ill will at all in the message?
It was just a legitimate excuse to end the conversation that your ex boyfriend shouldn’t have any problem with.
Now, there is one part of the text message that I like to add in but it is completely optional.
Care to take a guess at what I am talking about?
With those two little words you are accomplish a lot.
It’s basically a passive way of making your ex boyfriend expect that he is going to hear from you again.
Like I said, this is optional to include in your own conversation ender but I like putting it in because you can kind of have an in to text him again on day two of this process.
So, that’s the conversation ending text message in a nutshell.
Lets turn our attention to the first contact message now.
Constructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
I have thought a lot about this and what I am about to say may sound a little crazy to you but it makes sense if you listen to my logic.
Would you like to know who I personally think would create the best first contact text messages?
You see, comedians are master story tellers and while their stories are meant to make you laugh you have to admit that a master comedian is also a master story teller.
This is an ability that you need to acquire.
Because if you have nothing interesting to say in a text then you shouldn’t have the right to say anything at all.
Constructing the perfect first contact text message is all about telling a fascinating story in a refined manor.
Now, I know what you are thinking.
“Ok, but what should my story be over?”
This is where knowing what your ex likes will come into play.
Lets use a simple example.
Lets say your ex boyfriend is in love with football.
Well, that means that we can use football to our advantage by working it into an interesting story.
So, I am going to tell you a funny story that is completely made up by me but we are going to use it as a mock example to construct a perfect first contact text message.
Are you ready?
Ok, lets begin.
The Fake Story We Are Going To Use
Have you ever watched the show Game of Thrones?
Well, I am a huge fan and it has taken over as my favorite show of all time.
(But that’s besides the point.)
I particularly like Tyrion Lannister. Now, I am not going to spoil anything for you guys if you haven’t seen GOT yet but Tyrion is a dwarf.
Well, what if I told you that I was walking down the street and saw the actor who plays Tyrion, Peter Dinklage hanging out with Football Quarterback Tom Brady?
The two were walking and having a fun time and then Brady decides that he wanted to challenge Peter Dinklage to a throwing contest.
Particularly who could throw a football further.
Dinklage definitely didn’t look pleased by the challenge but decided that just for the sake of being nice he would accept.
Brady is going to obviously win, right?
I mean he is a NFL quarterback for heavens sake!
So, Brady steps up to the line and lets loose a throw,
That’s really impressive.
Next up is Dinklage…
You know what this means, right?
It means that Peter Dinklage the dwarf from Game of Thrones literally threw a football further than Tom Brady.
Now, that is one heck of a story, right?
Let’s package it up and make it into a first contact text message now.
Using A Story For Your First Contact Text Message
So, the story that we are basically going to tell here is the fact that Tyrion Lannister,
Out threw Tom Brady…
How the heck are we supposed to package this into a first contact text message?
Remember, the only reason that we are telling this story is because your ex boyfriend is obsessed with Football.
Alright, here is what I propose,
Notice how I packed the story really neatly into a medium sized text message.
Now, the story is completely fabricated but I fabricated it based on the fact that your ex boyfriend loves football.
The key here is creating a story around things that you know your ex boyfriend would respond to.
Oh, and you will also note that the story is ridiculous.
In real life there is no way that Peter Dinklage can out throw Tom Brady but the idea of it should make an ex boyfriend respond just to prove you wrong.
Let’s move on.
Should You Be Sending First Contact Text Messages Every Time You Start A Texting Conversation?
I get this question a lot.
And it’s a good question.
So, to answer it I am going to have to turn back to the tide theory graphic I created above.
Between “Day One” and “Day Five” I would like you to utilize the first contact text messages.
From “Day 6” on I don’t think you will have to anymore.
Because by that point if you have gotten your ex boyfriend to respond to you four times in a row (remember we skip day three) then you will have proven that you can get them to respond to you so you won’t have to go out of your way just to get a response anymore.
However, that doesn’t mean you can let your foot off the gas.
What should you send them to start a conversation after day five?
Well, it has to be more than a simple generic,
As to what you want to say exactly…
Well, I am going to hold that piece of information hostage and just give it to the readers of The Texting Bible .
Lets move on and talk about building rapport.
Building Rapport Text Messages
Alright, where are we at in the tide theory graphic?
Lets see here…
So, between day’s four and ten I want you to pick a point in the conversation every day to sprinkle in a certain type of text. The text that you sprinkle in is meant to do one thing.
Now, what is rapport?
The dictionary defines rapport,
as a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well.
In other words, I want you to capture your ex boyfriends interest so that he is always wanting to talk to you day after day.
We are going to do this very strategically by doing something different every single day.
Take a look,
Now, I outline how to build rapport like ten times better in The Texting Bible but I am going to do my best for you here.
According to the graphic above there are four types of text messages that need to be used between days four and ten.
What I would like to do is take an in-depth look at what each one is so you really have a good idea of how to construct your very own text messages.
Days 4 & 5 – The Funny Text Message
We aren’t trying to re-invent the wheel here as all we are trying to do is make your ex boyfriend laugh.
There are a lot of ways to do this but I am going to give you my top two ways.
I suppose we can start with the easy way which basically means it doesn’t require a lot of work from you.
I like to call this “The Meme Message.”
The Meme Text Message
One of the things that you may notice about my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that I have all these funny memes plastered everywhere.
Have you ever stopped and asked why?
It’s actually quite simple.
I like them and they make me laugh and I think that when you deal with such a depressing subject like breakups it kind of is nice to have a sense of humor about it. Besides, I don’t think you’d connect with me at all if I acted just like a doctor quoting statistics and looking at the facts.
What I think you should do is send your ex boyfriend a funny meme of your choosing that you think would make him laugh.
Here are a few of the best I have seen recently.
The “Ex” Box
Now, that last one is particularly relevant to me since my wife and I had a newborn so any baby meme’s crack me up and therein lies my next point. If you do decide to use the meme text. I want you to make sure you send him a relevant meme.
For example, if the two of you are talking about super Mario in a text message then you should send a meme like this,
And if the two of you were talking about The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones…
I think you get the idea.
Lets move on to the other type of funny text that you can send.
I like to call this one the knock knock text.
The Knock Knock Text
Who doesn’t love a good knock knock joke?
Well, this text is meant to accomplish two things.
Thing #1- Use humor with your ex in a playful way in order to build rapport.
Thing #2- Get a response from your ex.
Now, thing #2 shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish due to the nature of a knock knock text.
Let me give you an example.
When I say,
What do you instinctively want to say back?
“Whose there, right?”
And there’s the beauty of the knock knock text.
It has a built in way of getting your ex to respond.
Of course, that leaves thing #1…
In order to accomplish thing #1 you are going to have to come up with a good knock knock joke.
You are on your own there…
If you wanna use one of mine I guess that’s ok .
Day’s Six And Seven- Memory Text Message
I talk a lot about memory text messages on this website and of course in my book, The Texting Bible.
So, what is a memory text message?
Well, a lot of women seem to mistake it for a message where you bring up a super romantic time…
Something like say….
Don’t do that.
While I a memory text is supposed to make your ex boyfriend remember the good times of your relationships I don’t want you touching anything romantic yet.
More rapport needs to be built first.
So, the ideal memory text that you should send to your boyfriend should revolve around a fun experience the two of you shared.
Think of the funnest time that you had with your ex and use that.
Here I will give you an example,
Notice how the emphasis of the text revolves around how much fun it was to ride in the hot air balloon.
Generally speaking that’s what we are shooting for.
We want to remind your ex boyfriend of all the fun times the two of you had.
Day’s Eight & Nine: The Story Text
By day’s eight and nine of the tide theory process you have a lot of room to work with to implement the story text.
This is actually my favorite type of text to send because you can do some really creative stuff with it.
The premise of the story text is really simple.
You are going to tell an epic story over three texts.
Now, the story you tell needs to be engaging and really interesting to your ex boyfriend. You will also be utilizing something I call “check in’s.”
(I will explain what that is in a second.)
First things first, I need to give you a story text example.
Notice how we cut the story off right as it was getting good.
Why did we do this?
Simple, because we are splitting this story up into three texts and this was text #1.
Also, it adds anticipation to the next text,
Two things I want you to notice.
The first text in this graphic was clearly a continuation to the story I started above.
The second text though is the “check in” I was talking about above,
It’s this subtle check in that you use to make sure your ex is still engaged. If he is then he will respond with something like this,
Once you get the “A-Ok” from the check in you complete your story,
Day Ten- The Compliment Text
You shouldn’t be too bewildered by this text.
Basically you are going to give your ex boyfriend a compliment but it’s not just any old compliment. You are going to give him what I like to call an “in depth compliment.”
What’s an “In Depth Compliment?”
Simple, it’s where you go the extra step of elaborating.
Let me give you an example of a regular compliment in a text message.
Pretty basic, right?
You are essentially complimenting your man on his eyes.
But where is the flair?
Where is the flash?
Where is the romance?
That’s where the “In Dept Compliment” comes into play,
Do you see the difference between the two?
These are the type of compliments that you need to be giving your ex boyfriend.
Now, if you want more examples of the compliment texts I suggest you grab “The Texting Bible.”
Lets move on.
Transitioning To The Phone Call
I want to pull out our handy dandy graph again for a second here.
Notice how between days eleven and fifteen I am recommend that you can do a transition text message.
Ok, by “transition text message” all I am saying is that you can send a special type of text message that can help you transition from texting to a phone call.
And you can send this message when you feel the time is right.
Look, some women may find that by day eleven their ex is actively wanting to talk to them on the phone while other women still may not feel that confident even by day fifteen.
Figuring out when you send your transition text is entirely up to you.
My only piece of advice here is to feel it out.
Let your gut tell you if it’s time or not.
When you do feel it’s time I want you to employ the following method.
The Transition Text
The way this works is that you are going to start telling your ex boyfriend a very long story.
(Kind of similar to the fortune teller story I told above.)
However, before you have a chance to end the story you are are going to send something like,
“Actually… you know what. Can I call you to finish this? It’s too good to text.”
Here is how it’s supposed to work.
(Side Note: I am going to use the fortune teller story above to illustrate this.)
The key to making this work is to telling a compelling story.
So compelling that your ex boyfriend will have no choice but to accept the call.
Oh, and it’s aces once you get him on the phone. You will have successfully moved on to the phone call section of the strategy.
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