To find out what it’s really like to be a man dating in America, Cosmopolitan.com asked single guys to keep a dating diary for a week. Here’s one man’s story.
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Looking for: A long-term relationship that can hopefully lead to marriage and a family. I am not a casual dater.
Mostly meets people: through friends or family. I try dating apps — Tinder, Bumble, Hinge — but don’t have much success.
3 p.m.: I travel a lot for work, and I’ve been trying a long-distance thing with a girl from another country for the past couple months. I met her through a friend and we exchanged numbers — now we talk or text almost daily.
I started up this long-distance flirtation because it seems like women in Minneapolis are not looking for long-term relationships. Many of them are overly career-driven, or have a plan to get married later in life and have children later (or do not want children). The long-distance thing is nothing official, but today we texted for about an hour and talked about my visit — I’m going to see her next week.
8 p.m.: I met a girl I set up a date with for dinner and drinks downtown. She’s nice, but not really my type. We talked for two hours, but I didn’t feel any physical chemistry with her. It could be because I’m more interested in the girl from another country.
10 p.m.: We hugged and did the typical “I’ll talk to you soon,” but in all honesty, I won’t see her again.
11 a.m.: I didn’t do much. Just texted the long-distance girl on and off, and swiped on Bumble for a little. Don’t know why, but I also checked my old Match.com profile. No new messages. I’ve been on that site for three years, sent maybe 200 messages to different women, and have not received a single response or message. I don’t think it works well for minority men, but I still try.
The dating scene in Minneapolis is very tough if you are trying to date outside of your race. I’m a minority, and women say they are open to interracial relationships, but after a few dates, that changes. I know some black men who have had success on Blackpeoplemeet.com, but I have not tried that.
10 a.m.: Traveling for work. I’m usually on the road three to four days a week. It has made dating challenging, because it’s harder to schedule time to meet someone. It’s also a turn-off for some girls; they don’t want to date someone who will be away so much. I messaged the long-distance girl a little and talked about our days.
2 p.m.: Still traveling. I checked in with the dating service I joined in my city back in 2015. It’s a private service, like a dating coach who also introduces you to women who might be interested in you. It costs anywhere from $1,500 to $8,000 annually, depending on your membership. I pay $5,000, but today, nothing. They did tell me not to be pushy with the long-distance girl though. “Let her come to you.” OK.
4 p.m.: I messaged the girl I went out with over the weekend to say hi, just to be polite. She never responded. Seems to be a common theme for me. Go out with these women, show them a good time and pay, and then never hear from them again. It’s frustrating because it seems like some of these women are just looking for someone to buy them dinner. You can usually tell early in the date, but I never ask to split the check — I always pay the full bill. An average first date in Minneapolis can run you about $100 to $200, so on a monthly basis, I think I average about $1,000 on first dates alone.
9 a.m.: Went to a coffee shop to do some work. Met a nice girl at the table next to me. She seemed nice. I said hello, and we talked on and off for about two hours as we worked. Before she left, I said, “It was nice to meet you. Maybe I’ll see you again… ” and she said, “Probably not, I don’t think you’re good enough for me.” I hear that a lot from women — they don’t even know me, but they can tell by speaking to me for an hour or just looking at me. I have a great job, make six figures, dress well, and have been described by my girl friends as the “good guy.”
7 a.m.: Catching my flight to visit the long-distance girl. I do see a future with her. This is my first attempt at long distance, and I can say it is tough, and requires a lot of effort and dedication. Since you don’t have the option of seeing each other all the time, you have to choose your words carefully.
8 a.m.: At the airport, I checked my Match.com profile: no responses or matches. Really hope this long-distance thing works out.
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