In my practice, I talk often with clients on the topic of dating – especially online dating. I’ve had the pleasure to see so many new relationships bud and people fall madly in love. I have also seen dating go all wrong. Needless to say, we never know when our person will show up, but how we put ourselves out there can have a big impact on our experiences while we wait.
Below are my top 3 tips that I believe everyone needs to follow in order to have the most success at online dating while also feeling balanced.
1. Be on online dating apps or sites, more than 2 but no more than 3 at a time
There are SO many different online dating sites to choose from it can be overwhelming. I recommend that you sign yourself up for at least 2, no more than 3. This is because you do not want to limit yourself to just one, and more than 3 profiles can be a lot to manage. Different apps and sites are going to attract different types of people.
If you decide you do not like a particular app any longer, delete your profile and find another one.
I often recommend that you decide how much time you want to spend searching a day. Meaning, do you want to spend 5 minutes, 20 minutes, and hour searching for your next lover? It can be good to decide objectively how much time you want to spend looking and watch the clock as you explore. When your time is up, maybe make a quick follow up note for yourself the next day if there is something you wanted to remember or follow up with.
You don’t have to view all the profiles in one sitting!
2. Pictures, pictures, pictures – they are really the a main focus.
We live in a culture that is visual focused and when our eyes are open, our brain is spending 60% of its time processing what our eyes are taking in.
You photos need to be of you, recent, not in sunglasses or with a ton of anther people, a photo or two with another person is ok ~ but mainly just you!
Some photo guidelines:
- At least 1 full body shot
- Tell a story about who you are – so photos of you doing things you would normally be doing
- One mistake people normally make is putting up only photos in button ups, or only photos in t shirts. If you wear both, or can wear both on occasions that this calls for – which is most of us, put up those photos. Can you dress down for a casual Saturday hang out? Can you dress up for a party on Saturday night.
- Sunglasses in one photo is ok – if they are really cool sunnies:)
- If you’re balding or your often wear hats – makes sure to have at least 1 photo where you show your natural hair line as it is today
Show em what you got to offer!
If you do not have any good photos, or struggle to take them, get some photos done by a professional. I have encouraged many clients to do this and not only can it be a really fun experience, it will also lead to more dates. This I can guarantee! Make sure you pick a professional who does photos for profiles – they will be able to give you lots of good tips on what to wear and how to pose
3. Within a few exchanges, try to make a plan to meet in person or talk on the phone
I have heard story after story about people wasting time texting on apps, only to find out the person they have been messaging with disappears at the mention of meeting up. If you are wanting to meet up in person and actually date, I recommend after establishing some connection, so at least 3 texts or messages back and forth, saying “how about we meet in person to see if our chemistry is right.”
The faster you learn if this person is up for meeting, the better so you do not spend a lot of time chatting. I normally recommend the first meeting be low key – coffee, tea or a drink. Nothing to commitment based
Wrap it up and keep You Sane
Remember – there are a lot of people online dating. If you were to walk down the street, how many people do you see that you would want to date? And if you were to strike up a conversation with someone, would you still be as interested?Good chance, the percentage will be quite low.
Also, if someone seems ‘too good to be true’ they often are. There are many people scamming on the internet. Allow yourself to be cautions.
Let yourself stay connected to the idea that online dating is great because it takes away the fear that the other person is not available – but without meeting in person, hearing their voice, feeling their vibe, seeing their eyes – you have not idea what the future would hold for you two.