The no contact rule…
It is arguably the most popular strategy when it comes to getting an ex back.
It is also one of the most challenging strategies to get through due to a variety of reasons.
Now, I’m not one to brag about myself…
Oh, who am I kidding I totally am.
I would say that Ex Boyfriend Recovery has the most information online regarding “the no contact rule.”
So, to continue my total dominance over the internet I figured I would give you another glimpse into my magnificent brain with it’s knowledge over the no contact rule.
(I am bragging way too much about myself, huh?)
In order to understand this article you first need to understand the context of what it is talking about.
Those of you who are up to date on my most recent thoughts regarding getting your ex back can probably skip this next section but for those of you who aren’t then you would do well to listen up.
My Thoughts On Getting An Ex Back In Today’s Day And Age
The more we live in this earth the more we experience and the more we experience the more we learn.
This is pretty much common sense, right.
So, it would make sense that the more time I dedicate to helping people get their exes back the more I learn.
I have been doing this for the last several years and I have LITERALLY seen thousands of situations and the more I have seen the more I have learned about what works and what doesn’t work.
Well, what if I told you that most successful “get your ex back” campaigns all have four categories to them.
While no two campaigns will ever be alike generally you can locate these four things within them.
I took the liberty of creating a graphic to illustrate the four things for you,
So, we have four things.
- The No Contact Rule…
- Text Messaging…
- Phone Calls…
- In Person Re-connection…
Since this is an article that focuses on what to do if you get no response after no contact where do you think that, that falls in this graphic?
How about right where that circle is,
Now, I don’t want to bother explaining this entire strategy to you, that’s what PRO is for.
Instead, I am just going to explain the portion that we are focusing on to you.
What Happens In That Circled Portion Of The Strategy?
In order to answer that question we are going to have to take you back and explain what the no contact rule is.
When I first started this article I mentioned to you that I have a ton of information on this website about the no contact rule so if you want an in-depth explanation of the no contact rule I suggest that you take a look at those links above. However, for the purposes of this article I am going to go ahead and give you a quick crash course (since that is what I do.)
I figured the best way to do this would be with some role playing so I would like you to meet Bob.
Bob is the ex boyfriend of Alicia.
Now, Alicia, as you may have guessed, has decided that she wants to get Bob back so she decided to use the no contact rule.
The No Contact Rule- A period of time (ranging from 21 to 30 days) where you ignore your ex on purpose in an effort to get him back.
I figured I would put together a graphic illustrating this,
Do you understand no contact now?
Ok, lets move on.
I want you to take a look at the graphic I put together above with the circle….
Hmm… I’ll tell you what.
I will just post it below again so you don’t have to go through the annoyance of scrolling up and then down again.
What is happening in this circled area?
Well, what is supposed to happen in the grand scheme is that Alicia would complete the no contact rule and then use text messages to re-attract Bob.
That little circled area above is supposed to represent the sending of the first text message after the no contact rule.
In a perfect world Alicia would send a text message to Bob and Bob would respond to it happily.
But we don’t live in a perfect world?
What if the trajectory of Alicia’s “get your ex back” campaign gets screwed up and instead of Bob responding happily (like he was supposed to) he doesn’t respond at all…
THAT is what this entire article is about.
I am basically going to teach you what to do in this circumstance and how to improve the odds of having your ex boyfriend respond to you but we don’t just want him to respond to you now do we?
We want him to respond to you in a positive manner.
The Importance Of A Positive Response
When you are texting an ex there are generally four types of responses that you can get.
Care to take a guess at what those responses are?
- The positive response
- The neutral response
- The negative response
- The no response
Now, as much as I would love to eat up another thousand words talking about the four responses I can’t do that since we are here to talk about one type of response, the positive one.
The ultimate goal of this page is to help you get a positive response from an ex who isn’t so positive.
In other words, I am going to take you from point A (where your ex boyfriend isn’t responding to your texts) to point B (where he will in a very positive manner.)
But why is it so important to get a positive response after the no contact rule?
I really hate to tell you this but I can’t really hold anything back from you.
It’s because of the rule of three.
What Is “The Rule of Three?”
Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a great resource for getting an ex boyfriend back.
There is no doubt about that.
However, it is also a great resource for figuring out what works and what doesn’t work.
In other words, it’s my own personal hypothesis tester.
How does that work?
Basically when I have an idea about getting an ex back I write about it and wait to see what happens when people implement it.
From there I gather research and if I find out that enough people are implementing it and having success I let you guys know about it.
The rule of three is one of those hypothesis’.
Actually… I take that back.
I didn’t come up with this. This is something that I just started noticing.
It’s a trend…
A bad trend…
A very bad one…
Since we have a big international audience I am going to use a soccer analogy to explain this so buckle up.
Imagine for a moment that you were playing soccer on a team and you were your teams best player. In other words, they were relying on you to win the game. Throughout the game you only had three shots on goal and the other team had zero.
In order for you to win the game all you have to do is make one goal…
Well, getting an ex boyfriend back is kind of like that.
This is especially true when it comes to texting an ex boyfriend.
From everything I have seen you only have three chances at a text message after the no contact rule to get a positive response from him and if you don’t get that positive response then your chances drop dramatically.
Let’s have some fun with this soccer analogy,
So, in this analogy you will notice that,
- The Player = You
- The Ball = The Text Message You Send
- The Goal = Getting A Positive Response From Your Ex
Now, you have three chances to hit the shot or you will lose the soccer game (aka: getting your ex back.)
But you will notice when you turn your attention to the goal that just getting a response isn’t enough.
I mean, anyone can get a response.
In fact, I bet that if you were using an ironclad no contact rule on me I could get you to break it and respond to me.
Want to know how?
I would just send you a text like this,
Pretty gloomy and depressing, right?
Well, I am pretty sure you would respond to me even if you were doing no contact but your response wouldn’t be positive would it?
Nope, it would be negative and hateful.
Like I said, anyone can get a response.
But not everyone can get a positive response and when you add in the fact that realistically you only have three chances to get a positive response you can see why this article is super important.
Of course… you are in a bit of a predicament right now aren’t you?
The Predicament You Are In
Since this is an article about navigating a situation where you have already reached out to your ex after the no contact rule and have gotten no response you have already take one or more shots on goal and missed.
In other words, if you only had three shots to start out with now you have one or two left.
But I will get to that in a second. There is one thing that I need to talk about right now and that is for the GNATS of the world.
GNAT stands for,
Pretty cool acronym, huh?
I really wish I could take credit for it but I can’t. It was actually a visitor here on EBR that first said it to me and I kind of stole it.
Anyways, let’s assume that you do a no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and then after that no contact rule is up instead of taking three shots at goal you take ten.
How very GNATTY of you.
Now, lets say that your ex boyfriend ignores all of your “shots on goal.”
Does this mean that you have no chance of success?
Should you give up forever?
Well, if you recall my earlier statement I said that your chances of success drastically decrease but I didn’t say it was impossible. In fact, I am a big believer in leaving no stone unturned and while I wouldn’t have preferred that you turned into a GNAT after no contact you can’t just give up.
So, try things my way.
Now, lets get back to the non-GNATS out there who may have already taken one or two shots at goal.
In fact, lets just say that you have only taken one shot at goal (and missed.)
Realistically you have two shots left.
In order to give yourself the best chance of success you need to make sure that these shots are solid attempts. They need to be well thought out texts with intent behind them.
That’s where my interesting theory comes into play.
The Interesting Theory
Lets stop talking about your ex for a second and zoom out a bit.
I want to talk about people in general (which by default will include your ex.)
Have you ever noticed how people are fascinated by the interesting?
Take a look at the three pictures below,
The Pink Dolphin
The Pregnancy Announcement
Real Life Jurassic Park?
What do all three of this pictures have in common?
At first glance…
These three pictures have a lot in common.
In fact, these three pictures all went viral within the last five years.
Because they are all interesting….
Are you paying attention or are you still scrolling up to figure out if the dinosaur is real?
(It’s not… it was an April Fools joke.)
But the dolphin is real… in case you were wondering.
People have a fascination with interesting things. I mean, you don’t see anything boring ever going viral on Facebook now do you?
Perhaps I should give you a real life example.
Ok, yesterday I was cruising around Facebook and noticed something interesting. It was this video where these men (who looked to be guerrillas) were making fun of a monkey. All of the men had guns which looked to be AK-47’s. Anyways, while they were making fun of the monkey one of them had the genius idea to give his gun up to the monkey.
Guess what happened next?
Yup, the monkey somehow shot the gun (at the ground) and all the men started taking off running.
See for yourself,
Now, is the video real?
Nope… it’s fake.
But you know what it is?
As long as human beings rule this world they will always be fascinated with interesting things.
This leads us to your ex boyfriend.
Above I explained how you only have a few shots on goal to get this positive response. That means that the text message that you send your ex boyfriend has to be as interesting or MORE interesting than all of the things I just talked about.
In other words, you need to become your ex boyfriends “pink dolphin.”
How can you send a text message on this level?
The In’s And Out’s Of Sending An Interesting Text Message
I will admit that crafting the most interesting text message that your ex boyfriend has ever encountered is a bit of a challenge.
Because oftentimes people respond to stories better than anything but this is a text message we are talking about here.
All you get is 160 characters.
Kind of hard to tell a good story being limited like that?
Now, I know what some of you iPhone fanatics are going to tell me (don’t worry I am one too.)
“But Chris, some phones don’t have any limit to the amount of characters you can send.”
And while I have covered this extensively in my “Texting Bible” I suppose it won’t hurt to give you a quick crash course.
You have just completed the no contact rule…
That means you have gone through ignoring your boyfriend for 21 to 30 days.
Imagine how it would look if you sent a super long text message like this,
Your ex boyfriend is going to go…
“Ugh, she is so needy even after all this time. Ok, lets listen to her latest emotional outburst.”
In other words, your text message can be no more than 160 characters and that may even be pushing it.
It sucks doesn’t it?
Having all these restrictions.
Restrictions So Far:
- Text Has To Be The Most Interesting Your Ex Boyfriend Has Ever Read
- The Text Can Be No More Than 160 Characters
Just for fun I am going to add on another little restriction for you :p .
You can not talk about your previous relationship AT ALL.
Not only is this not going to be an interesting topic for your ex boyfriend but it will automatically tip your hand that you are wanting him back. While eventually your hand will need to be tipped this isn’t the time to do.
This is the time to fascinate him.
I think that’s it for the restrictions.
- Text Has To Be The Most Interesting Your Ex Boyfriend Has Ever Read
- The Text Can Be No More Than 160 Characters
- You Can Not Be Overly Emotional Or Talk About Your Relationship With Your Ex Boyfriend
So, how the heck are we going to do this?
How are we going to craft the perfect text message to your ex boyfriend to get him to respond in a positive manner?
Well, in order to understand that you need to understand the template of an interesting text.
Interesting Text Message Template
What I am about to teach you is going to change your life forever.
Now, those of you who know me really well know that I rarely make that kind of a claim.
In other words, I am trying to re-iterate how incredible what I am about to show you is.
I would like to introduce you to the ultimate template for an interesting text message.
(If you want more information on interesting text messages I recommend that you check out my book, The Texting Bible.)
I know what your thinking…
“That doesn’t look very life changing to me.”
I promise you it is but you have to give me a chance to explain it first.
Lets start with…
Determining The Interesting Type
Again, if you want a more thorough breakdown of text messages I suggest you take a look at the Texting Bible.
There are many different “interesting text messages.”
You have the funny interesting type…
The creative interesting type…
The weird interesting type…
And we can’t forget the “in common” interesting type…
What I want you to do is determine the interesting type of text message that you are going to send.
Do you need some help choosing?
Ok, lets go down the list.
What Is “Funny Interesting?”
Basically anything that makes you laugh your butt off can be found in this category.
Pretend you are watching a comedian and you get hooked on his or her jokes. While you know you are just watching a man or woman on a stage with a microphone talking there is something about it that makes you unable to turn away.
They do an impression… you get pulled in.
They tell a story… you get pulled in.
They walk funny… you get pulled in.
It’s interesting to you and you can’t quite put your finger on it.
This is what I am talking about by “funny interesting.”
Now, since we are dealing with text messages here one of the funniest things that you can do is send a funny picture. Take a look around this site. You will notice that it is filled with memes. I do this to lighten the mood and add some color to my pages.
However, I also think the memes are funny and a lot of women who visit this site do too.
In fact, I would say that it’s one of the reasons that Ex Boyfriend Recovery is preferred over all the other websites out there teaching people to get their exes back.
I guess what I am trying to say is that an example of sending a “funny interesting” text can also include sending a meme like this,
Ok, enough of this.
Let’s move on to the next interesting type.
The Creative Interesting Type
This basically includes anything that is creative and interesting.
Hmm… perhaps I should give an example.
I have done research on this website to show that most of my readers are between the ages of 18 and 34. In other words, most of you are at the stage of life where you are going to have to start applying for jobs.
(That was meant to represent that sound that plays after something scary is said.)
Anyways, when you apply for a job you have to create a resume that essentially pitches yourself and why you are the right person for the job.
Now, a resume has a pretty plain jane template in which things are supposed to be done,
Super boring and plain, right?
Essentially what happens is an employer will get hundreds of resumes like these to sift through and oftentimes he/she won’t even read them all. In fact, all that happens is they scan the endless piles of resumes for something that looks interesting and once they find something that looks interesting they will pick it to read through fully.
But lets get creative for a minute.
Lets pretend that instead of using the boring resume template above you were to break the mold and come up with your own creative resume,
(I am going to have to give credit of this picture to Robbie Bautista.)
So, imagine that you are an interviewer with one hundred resumes on your desk that all look like the boring resume template and then you happen to stumble across the resume above.
It’s new, creative and interesting.
Guess who just got chosen for an interview?
This is the kind of outside the box thinking that you are going to need to employ in a text message to your ex boyfriend if you decide to choose the “creative type.”
Lets move on to the weird type.
The Weird Interesting Type
How can I put this?
Do you remember the pink dolphin?
That was pretty weird, right?
It was something that was out of the ordinary. I mean, dolphins aren’t supposed to be pink.
This is “weird interesting” in a nutshell.
It’s basically anything that you can send to your ex boyfriend that is out of the ordinary to get him to respond to you.
Let me give you an example.
(Again, this is an example so what I am about to say is completely false. Got it? Good)
Lets pretend that you heard this fact that the sky actually wasn’t blue but it was (sticking to the theme here) pink.
And you decided to share this information with your ex boyfriend in a text.
This would be classified as a weird interesting type of text message that probably would get a response.
Now lets move on to the final interesting archetype.
Having stuff in common.
In Common Interesting Type
I am a huge fan of the HBO hit series Game of Thrones.
(That was a pretty awesome episode, huh?)
Anyways, my point is that I am a big fan of GOT and anytime someone says anything about it I get stopped in my tracks and listen.
In other words, if someone were to send me a text message about something I found interesting (game of thrones) the chances are high that I will give it a response.
Now, just sending a simple text message like,
Isn’t going to cut it.
You need to do more.
That leads me to my next point.
Have you ever heard the phrase,
Starting things off with a “BANG”
How about this one?
SHOCK and then awe
These are two phrases that I want you to get very familiar with because we are going to be using the philosophy behind them to create the “shocking” opening.
If you take a look at the graphic I created above we are at the point where you have chosen the type of text message that you want to send but need to craft a shocking opening.
Why is it so important for us to create something shocking.
I am going to need to explain this with an example.
Let me show you two text messages and after you are done reading them I want you to tell me which of them a man will respond to better,
Text A (The Boring Opening)
Text B (The Shocking Opening)
Which of these texts has a higher chance for a response?
Text B, right?
I mean, an ex boyfriend is going to read that and think,
“What is she talking about?”
“What is it that I need to hear about?”
“I HAVE TO FIND OUT”
This leads me to my next point, crafting a shocking opening.
Lesson ONE: Separate Text Vs. In The Text
There are two keys or lessons that I am going to have to teach you if you are going to craft a perfect shocking opening.
The first one is deciding on whether you want your shocking opening to be a part of your overall interesting text message or if you want it to be a separate text message in and of itself.
If you look at the graphic above on creating an interesting text message you would remember that there are four main parts,
- Deciding The Text Type
- Shocking Opening
- Substance Middle
- Leave Him Wanting More Close
Deciding the text type happens before you even send a text message.
However, the shocking opening, substance middle and leave him wanting more close can be either combined into one massive action packed message or three separate text messages.
Care to take a guess at what I prefer?
Yup, I like it when these three text messages are separated from one another in three texts.
Now, this may come as a shock to you since I clearly state in my book, The Texting Bible that after the no contact rule when trying to make your first contact you should just send one singular text message but your situation is a bit different isn’t it?
You have already tried reaching out to your ex after NC and had no success whatsoever.
Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result so that’s why I am taking the constraints of how many texts you can send after no contact off for now.
This leads me to my next point.
I am definitely in favor of sending the shocking opening as one text in and of itself instead of packing it in as one massive super text.
Lesson TWO: Making Him Ask The Right Type Of Questions
Take a look at the shocking text example I gave above.
You want me to post it for you again huh?
UGH.. ok I will do it but just this once .
Want to know what makes this text message so effective?
It makes an ex boyfriend ask a lot of questions at once.
“I just saw something and I think you’ll want to hear about it…”
When a man receives something like that what are the first three things that are going to pop into his head?
Though One: What did she see?
Thought Two: Is it bad?
Thought Three: I have to find out what it is.
Now, lets compare these three thoughts to the three thoughts that will pop into his head when he gets a generic opening text message like the one I posted above…
Ok, so I broke down and posted another image I already posted….
The first three thoughts that an ex boyfriend will probably have when he reads a text message like this are,
Thought One: UGH, it’s her again…
Thought Two: What does she want?
Thought Three: Probably just trying to beg me to come back to her haha.
It doesn’t take a genius to see that this text is inferior to the shocking text message and that’s because the shocking text message makes an ex boyfriend ask the right type of questions.
It uses curiosity to it’s advantage.
Humans have always had a fascination with finding out what happens next. This curiosity to learn the truth can be used to your advantage.
Notice how the first two thoughts led to the third thought (where he needs to find out what happens next.)
Lets hit pause and study how this happened.
Thought One = What did she see
This thought will pop into your ex boyfriends mind due to this part of the text message,
Now, thought two is really kind of clever because it is also human nature to put yourself above all others.
In fact, a few years ago a study was done on email subject lines.
Basically the study wanted to determine what the best email subject line would be.
Guess what it was?
People opened up an email with this title because they thought the bad news would be about them.
So, when an ex boyfriend has this thought,
Thought Two- Is it bad?
It is due to this part of the text message,
Making him think that it’s about him.
Understanding these three thoughts that an ex boyfriend will have,
Though One: What did she see?
Thought Two: Is it bad?
Thought Three: I have to find out what it is.
Are important because they are the basis for the shocking opening.
If you can get your ex boyfriend to ask these questions during your own shocking opening text then you will be well on your way.
Of course, our work isn’t over yet.
The “substance middle” is really where the interesting part of the text comes in.
It’s also directly connects with “determining the interesting type.”
Because the substance of the text is going to depend on the “interesting type” of text that you chose when we started this process.
For example, if you picked the funny text then the substance that you are going to deliver is going to be funny.
If you picked creative then the substance will be creative and so on and so forth.
Now, what do you think I mean by substance?
Examples Of Good Substance
Before I get into this I want to remind you that I am a believer of NOT cramming this into one massive text that you send to your ex. Instead, every box in the graphic below gets it’s own individual text.
(With the exception of the first box.)
Oh, and every text leads into the other.
So, it kind of looks like this,
What I would like to do now is give you an example of what I consider to be good “substance” but in order to do that we are going to have to go back to the last section where I was talking about a shocking opening (since every text kind of bleeds into the next one.)
So, lets just pretend that we are using this text as the shocking opening and you get a response,
What happens next?
Well, now it’s time to add some interesting substance to the mix.
Of course, in order to do that we need to figure out the type of text message you wanted to use.
Remember, I gave you a bunch of examples,
- In Common
Let’s say for the sake of this example that you wanted to use a funny example.
There are two ways to play this.
You can either tell a ridiculous story OR you can add some creativity into the mix and craft a funny video for your ex to watch.
Now, it’s kind of hard for me to give you an example of a funny video so I am going to stick to the ridiculous story but if there was ever a time to think outside the box this would be it.
Remember, the more ridiculous you get with this story the better and no doubt about it the story I just told is absolutely ridiculous.
Now, you may be wondering how the heck I was so detailed with that story.
The truth is that I had a friends dad who actually did tell me that story…. in real life.
Of course, I left out the most horrible part.
He told me he used to chase fat people on the beach IN A TRUCK…
Can you imagine being on the beach, minding your business and all of a sudden a truck comes into view chasing you with a bunch of teenagers with pole vaults?
Now, I think the whole concept of “whale watching” is horrible but even I have a sense of humor and the thought is so ridiculous that it kind of makes me chuckle.
My point is this, the more ridiculous the story the better for the funny texts.
So, that’s substance in a nutshell but there is still one last thing I have to teach you.
And that’s the “leave him wanting more close.”
Leave Him Wanting More Close…
What can I say… I like to lead by example .
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