A white man asked for tips on dating a black woman after admitting he has ‘never’ spoken to a black person one-on-one.
Posting on Reddit, the 34-year-old, who lives in a southern American state, said he had grown up in an area without any black people and had never spent time alone with someone of another race until he went on the date with his co-worker.
He said he took her out for dinner and was left stunned when she told him she was the only person of colour in the restaurants he chose for their date.
He admitted he was weary of doing anything that could put her in an uncomfortable position and was soon flooded with responses urging him to learn about her culture, racism as well as viewing her as a woman, rather than a fetish.
A unnamed white man, 34, from America, has sparked a discussion about interracial dating, after revealing he has never spent time alone with someone from another race (file image)
The 34-year-old penned a lengthy post on Reddit revealing he’s in need of advice on how to date a black woman without putting her in any uncomfortable positions
In a lengthy post, the man wrote: ‘I grew up in an area with zero black people and the only thing I know about black culture is from news, stereotypes, and movies (still stereotypes, maybe?).
‘I have done jobs in the past where I’ve worked with black people, but never really spoken candidly with them, hung out with them one-on-one, etc. I’m just not social, anyway. I just know nothing
‘So I’ve been interested in this fantastic woman at work in the deep south where I’ve recently relocated, and we’ve been talking a lot over the last couple of months, and finally decided to go on a date last night.
‘She and I both love seafood, so I figure let’s go to restaurant with a dock view, eat good food and have some scenery.’
He said he felt they were ‘having a great time’ and getting to know one another, before explaining: ‘Close to the end of the meal, though, she correctly observes she is the only black woman in there, and this place was absolutely packed.’
He added that he initially thought she was wrong, before saying: ‘She said she’s not bothered by it, even though she’s also noticed people just looking at us, which she presumes is noticing interracial dating. ‘
The man admitted being with his black co-worker made him aware of behaviour and a lack of diversity that he wouldn’t usually notice.
A flood of responses shared pet peeves including not to touch her hair without asking and to avoid using terms that make her seem like a fetish
He continued: ‘I asked her if what we’re doing is just not something black people do for some bizarre reason, and she explains to me back at the car that I took her to a place where there are a lot of rich and powerful people, and very few black people live in that small area.’
He added: ‘She genuinely didn’t seem bothered by it, but I also realized she’s paying attention to things I wouldn’t.
‘She first clued in that I haven’t really spoken to a black woman when I was surprised that she prepped her hair a day before going to the salon to get it braided, which is apparently a thing I didn’t know but it’s very common.’
He went on to say he wanted the relationship to work, and asked for advice to avoid ‘unwittingly’ offending her.
Many shared their personal experiences of interracial dating with one admitting she wishes that she had taken time to listen to the experiences of people from other races
A stream of responses to the post praised the man for actively seeking advice and began sharing pet peeves that could impact the relationship, with one person saying: ‘Good job, you’re starting to notice s*** you’ve never had to notice, that’s the first step keep it up. Don’t refer to her as chocolate/mocha or any of that fetishsizing stuff some of you guys do.’
Another wrote: ‘You will always attract attention as a couple and some of that attention will be unpleasant, even threatening. She is a lot more aware of racial biases than you are, doubly as a woman.’
Others spoke from personal experiences of being in an interracial couple and said it’s best not to bring up race unless it’s mentioned.
‘Something I should have learned to do, is to just listen to the experience of being a POC in a white world and not get offended or feel like their discomfort with white people extends to you,’ a white woman who is dating an Asian man wrote.
Another said: ‘I’ve dated interracially a number of times and I’ve always found a good rule of thumb is not to bring race up unless they bring it up first. Be a good listener. Don’t go overboard trying to prove how ‘with-it’ you are. Just be yourself.’