He asked if she had “big tits.” She described her mastectomy.
Dating is never easy and it can be even harder when you have had significant health problems that affect your self-confidence. No one knows that better than Krista Dunzy who stepped back into the dating pool after undergoing surgery, chemotherapy and radiation to treat breast cancer — all when she was only 25 years old.
So, when a guy on Tinder opened a conversation with her by asking about the size of her breasts, she wasn’t just annoyed. She was angry and hurt. She tried to talk to the man, who she identifies as Jared, but he just insulted her in response. Now she has taken her story — and screenshots of his messages — public and Jared’s insensitivity is going viral.
Who is Krista Dunzy? Read on for all the details.
1. A shattering diagnosis
Krista Dunzy was no stranger to the notion of breast cancer, Metro UK reports. Her mother survived the disease and a cousin died of breast cancer only a year before Dunzy’s own diagnosis. She discovered a lump in her breast from a self-exam when she was only 25. Terrifying as it was, she summoned the courage to talk to her doctors and from there everything moved quickly. She was diagnosed with stage 2 ductal carcinoma — cancer of the milk ducts, which is one of the most common forms of breast cancer. Her treatment was extensive. She had 16 rounds of chemotherapy and a month-long course of radiation, in addition to a double mastectomy.
2. “Timid about dating”
Dunzy told Healthline that she had abusive relationships in her past, in addition to the difficulties posed by her cancer treatment. She was using Tinder to try and meet a romantic partner, but she indicated that it wasn’t something she felt confident about. “I am timid about dating, because of experiences in my past,” she says. “But I also find joy and beauty in everything, in part because of all of my experiences.”
Dunzy’s story has gone viral.
3. Matched with Jared
Tinder matched Dunzy with a man named Jared who messaged her privately on the app. His opening line left a lot to be desired no matter who he was talking to. “You got big tits?” was what he said. That’s a terrible conversation starter in any circumstance and even worse when you’re talking to a breast cancer survivor who is still waiting for post-mastectomy reconstruction surgery. But that is exactly what Jared said to Dunzy, much to her dismay.
4. Clapping back at Jared
After Jared barged into her DMs with his insensitive pick-up attempt, Dunzy didn’t hold back. “You know what, Jared?” she responded. “The answer to your question is no. I don’t have any ‘tits’ at all.” She told him in plain language about her cancer, her treatment, and her surgery. She even described the preparation for reconstruction she was going through in full detail.“Right now I have tissue expanders in my chest,” she said, “that will be switched with implants down the road. Do you have any idea what it was like for me to read that message from you?”
“I’m not TRYING to be a bitch but if that’s what it takes for you to learn how you shouldn’t treat women, then I’m cool with being a ‘bitch’,” she told him.
5. Jared is a jerk
Jared, it turns out, is one of those guys who responds to criticism of his bad behavior by behaving even worse, according to the Daily Mail. He let loose with a string of insults that would sound familiar to just about any woman who has interacted with men online. “Holy fuck you’re an idiot,” he opined. He then told Dunzy to “stop acting like a feminist that gets you nowhere in life,” after telling her he hadn’t even read her story and she’s “crazy lol.”
Dunzly clarified that this was literally the first time he had ever interacted with her. They had never met. When Dunzy told him his remarks were “messed up,” he said, “LOL because I make my own rules.” He charmingly ended the conversation by saying “Dumb bitch eat my ass.”
6. Don’t Date Jared
Dunzy didn’t take Jared’s online abuse lying down. She screen-capped the conversations and posted them to Twitter, saying “So this happened… I’d really love it if Jared’s mom, sister, grandma, aunties…maybe just entire family can see this. #DontDateJared #IWantJaredToBeFamous #BreastCancerSurvivor.” Healthline reports that the post went viral and has been shared thousands of times.
Dunzy explained that it wasn’t the crude opening line that really bothered her: it was that Jared didn’t even have the grace to apologize after she shared her story. He just acted even worse. “Honestly, it was not even his opening line that made me want to do this,” she says. “It was his responses to what I told him. He could have dropped the whole thing after I answered, but he refused to.”
7. Helping others in the future
Being an avenging angel of Tinder jerks is satisfying but it’s not what Dunzy ultimately wants to do with her life. She is a member of the Muscogee Creek Nation and she works at the Tribe’s headquarters in Okmulgee, Oklahoma, as a receptionist in its Family Violence Prevention program. That work is important to her and she hopes to go to college and continue on her path of serving native women. “I want to go back to school and continue working for my tribe,” she says. “I want to help other women. I want to use my knowledge and empathy to help others.”
But her biggest goal is to be happy with herself, she says. “My goal is to be unapologetically me,” she says. “Down the line, I’d be happy to marry someone who’s my best friend and have a family. But first I want to figure myself out more.”
Rebekah Kuschmider has been writing about celebrities, pop culture, entertainment, and politics since 2010. Her work has been seen at Ravishly, Babble, Scary Mommy, The Mid, Redbook online, and The Broad Side. She is the creator of the blog Stay at Home Pundit and she is a cohost of the weekly podcast The More Perfect Union.