Why Aren’t Men Following COVID-19 Dating Rules? | #tinder | #pof

When I told Eric*, a recent Tinder match who I had been talking to for about a week-ish, that I wouldn’t be meeting up with him amid the social-distancing requirements, his response was bad—like you-literally-just-bit-your-tongue or accidentally-hit-your-funny-bone bad.

He started with this: “I mean, we could die tomorrow, so why wait? If not today, then when?” Dude, just, no.

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I made sure to clarify that I’d be *happy* to be charmed with chicken nuggies post-quarantine when it was safe to be within 6 feet of other people again, but that was not well-received. He seemed to have missed the CDC guidelines recommending social distancing for anything but non-essentials. (And last time I checked, making out through a sub-par Netflix show is a non-essential activity).

My response was met with: “Oh geez. So you believe the 6 ft distance is going to stop this? Lol.” and “The whole thing is a hoax,” followed by silence when I asked him to expand on what exactly is a hoax. Le sigh.


But honestly, how could this response surprise me? In a world where men are panged with a fragile and impaired masculinity, it’s not a completely uncommon reaction women aren’t already familiar with. You see, these types of men notoriously have a problem with being rejected in any way, shape, or form—even if that “rejection” is due to a global pandemic that has killed nearly 100,000 people.

When I spoke with psychotherapist Jaime Gleicher, LMSW, in another article about why men act so aggressive when they’re rejected, she attributed it to a means of protecting their masculinity. “When their masculinity is threatened by an outside source, they tend to fight for it—also as a way to re-prove their manliness,” Gleicher says.

This, in turn, brings a bout of “Lol, you’re crazy” narratives that are meant to belittle and gaslight women into thinking they’re the ones being insane—when, really, men use it as a coping mechanism to stroke their own ego.

Fortunately (but also, unfortunately) I’m not the only woman who has been ghosted and/or aggressively made to feel stupid for not being interested in swapping spit during a global health pandemic. Below is a list of nine other tales from women who have also experienced this amid COVID-19.

Your rage read for the day, right this way:

1. “This random guy who literally used Snapchat as a means to communicate with me acted so entitled and righteous when I didn’t want to go out with him during the pandemic. See for yourself.” —Kaitlyn*, 25

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2. “I had been talking to this guy literally every single day—even FaceTiming a few times too. But because I’m staying with my parents who are more at-risk for COVID-19 (and also just because I’m a decent human being who social distances when health experts tell me to social distance), I declined his invitation to come over. He ended up blowing me off, but I was still really into him, so I tried to salvage what we had going. I texted him that I was excited to meet him in the next few weeks since our mayor had planned to open the city up. He responded with this.” —Michelle*, 26


3. “A guy from Hinge ghosted me because it was clear he just wanted a hook-up and I told him I wasn’t breaking quarantine to do that.” —Sidney*, 28


4. “Not that I was really feeling this dude anyway, but thought it was ironic that he wouldn’t stop messaging me and then all of a sudden ghosted when I told him I wouldn’t be hanging out with him with Coronavirus happening, lol.” —Marie*, 22

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5. “No Chris, no ravioli is worth getting coronavirus.” —Jen, 25.


6. “I created a dating app profile to take advantage of the stay-at-home order. I thought it was a good way to get to know someone before rushing into meeting. But that is not what I experienced. One man seemed not only eager to meet, but wanted us to commit ourselves to one another even before we met. And when I told him I didn’t plan on going out to meet anyone—including him—for quite some time due to the stay at home orders and COVID-19, he told me “You can’t live in fear. You have to get out there and live your life.” —Nancy

7. “A guy asked me if I wanted to get drinks and I said we probably shouldn’t. So then, I tried to change the subject to him going to Oktoberfest the year before, and then it turned into him lecturing me about how many more people die of diarrhea than COVID-19. This was back in March.” —Lauren, 26

8. “I had a man find me on Instagram and ask me to come to his house. He said we could go for a walk in the neighborhood. I told him “no, thank you.” He then asked me “why?” When I told him because we are in the middle of quarantine, he responded and said no one would be on Stone Canyon where he lived. I responded by telling him that wouldn’t be responsible to do. He responded with “You’re a crazy bitch” and blocked me.” —Loreen, 37.

9. “I had the experience of being asked on in-person dates during COVID-19, and while he seemed very calm, he also didn’t hear my concerns about in-person meet-ups. In fact, he acted as though I hadn’t spoken up at all and kept inviting me out on in-person dates.” —Cheryl, 35.

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