Ever start off hot and heavy with a guy who suddenly pulled back or ghosted? Of course, you have. Ever start off hot and heavy with a guy and realize he’s not the man for you? Of course, you have. Check out this Love U Podcast to understand why this is the very nature of dating – and how not to take it personally.
Hi, I’m Evan Marc Katz, Dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. Welcome to the Love U podcast. Stick around to the end to discover why we’re all hypocrites when it comes to love and why it’s essential to recognize our own hypocrisy. When we’re done, I’ll let you know how you can join Love U to create a passionate relationship that makes you feel safe, heard, and understood.
So true story, my client, Brianna, is a forty-nine year old, never married woman who’s always been drawn to emotionally unavailable men.
When she started Love U Masters coaching, Brianna meets this guy, comes on strong, calling her every day saying, “you’re the one.” And soon they’re spending the night together four or five times a week. Now, like many relationships that start off hot and heavy, it feels great. Dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, chemistry, talking about a future, think I’m falling in love with you.
And after a few weeks, Brianna starts to realize as she learns more about this guy who she’s spending all of her time with, that something didn’t feel quite right. And, she wasn’t gonna come out and criticize him or tell him what was wrong with him, whatever her misgivings were. She just recognized that this thing that she thought was right wasn’t right. She dove into the pool and there was no water in the pool, and she decided she needed to get out of the pool. So she breaks up with him. And he was shocked because everything seemed so great. But she did the right thing objectively. She did the right thing instead of continuing a relationship that didn’t feel right.
Now, would anybody, maybe you, doubt that Brianna is a good person? I wouldn’t. She is my client. And if Brianna is a good person for diving into a hot and heavy relationship and then having second thoughts, doesn’t it stand to reason that a man could do the exact same thing? Yeah.
So that doesn’t absolve they are actually bad men. There are bad men who just use you for sex without commitment and know they’re doing something wrong. But I think there’s a lot more situations like the one I just described with Brianna. Just because a guy is into you at the beginning doesn’t mean that much for the future.
And just because he pulls back abruptly upon realizing timing is wrong, it doesn’t mean he’s a jerk. It means it hurts, but it doesn’t mean he’s a terrible person.
If anything, he’s just a human being who, like you, doesn’t always know what he wants and is open to changing his mind on being presented with new evidence. Even if he seemed sure a week ago. We’ve all been in that position.
Your two takeaways from this should be this.
Number one, don’t dive into a hot and heavy relationship at all. Take your time to evaluate whether a person has long term potential both before you sleep with him and before you decide to call him a boyfriend.
And number two, just as importantly, recognize that men go through largely the same emotions as you do. In general, when we’re single, all the women we have crushes on, don’t want us. All of the women who want us, we’re not that interested in. Same story as yours.
And when we finally have a moment of chemistry, it feels like everything makes sense and we dive in only to find out that, sure enough, there’s more to the story than just initial chemistry. This, in and of itself doesn’t make him a bad person. It makes him human just like you.
My name is Evan Marc Katz.
Thank you for tuning into the Love U podcast.
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If you want to find love right now and are committed to making healthier choices with men so you can have an easier relationship that makes you feel safe, heard, and understood look for the link below and fill out an application to apply to Love U.
Thank you so much.
I’ll talk to you soon.
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