IN the lead up to the new year, Ipswich singles might find themselves tempted to download Tinder and start swiping for a festive match.
We all know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but finding the perfect match is often a case of sifting your way through a plague of duds.
In the spirit of the holiday season, the Queensland Times has compiled a list of profiles we think are great to practice swiping left on.
Hans is looking for only one thing and it’s disgusting. If you have any self-respect at all, you’ll steer clear of this boy who isn’t looking for love. He only wants someone to put sunscreen on his ears!
An unspecified accent AND a dancer? With Robert, you’ll dance the night away and wonder where his accent (American? Cockney?) is from. It doesn’t matter; accents are sexy! But then he’ll disappear, leaving nothing but a memory and a kissing emoji. What can I say about this heartbreaker? Lucas makes you fall in love with him before taking it away in one cruel swing. “Not your next bf”? Lucas, how could you? I will always remember Robert.
Opening with a question, Mary captivates the audience and pleads with them to explain. Her profile reveals her preferred snacks (Zooper Doopers and Doritos – both fine) and continues with the introduction. It’s all going well before the ending, a dramatic welcoming to a place nobody would want to find themselves.
Eager to point out how unpopular he is, David compares himself to one of the finest chocolates known to humanity, the Turkish delight. Is he ‘aving a laff? TD is an excellent chocolate. Maybe David is NOT the last to be picked but is setting up to under-promise/over-deliver? Strategic, but risky.
Alas, the last part of his profile loses David points because it sounds like it was written maybe by an AI. “Fun or not, we all love each other”. Um.
You have to admire how direct Fenella is about simply wanting a food delivery service.
Leroy, Leroy. Sad Leroy, Leroy. Don McLean wrote a song about Leroy because his sadness was palpable. Leroy, don’t be sad. I am definitely reading your profile and I love it, especially the part where it tells me nothing about you other than the fact you’re possibly a Nihilist.
Mike is a man on a mission. He is launching a business that specialises in manufacturing or selling whoopee cushions, toy guns that shoot the word “BANG”, and other funny tricks. Maybe he doesn’t know how time-consuming it is to set up a business, but he isn’t going to have much time for romance.
Time traveller Henry is going to be a tricky man to track down. Where is he? When is he? He is living in the future, which makes it difficult (unless you also have a time machine) but, if you ever catch him, he might tell you what the winning Lotto numbers are.
“Cute but psycho” is concerning but maybe Nik is making a joke? Wait, “literally”? Nope, I guess she’s not kidding.
Another time traveller, except this one is lost! If you thought Time Traveller Henry was bad, imagine dating a time traveller who is stuck 100 years in the future or past and can’t find their way back to “now”. Tragic.