When I have pressed him about it, saying there really is no reason to continue to communicate if he won’t talk off the site, he gets defensive and says he doesn’t want to lose me, and I give in.
Any advice?
– Circumstances
A. My advice is to lose him.
You should have met him by now. Like, dozens of times.
I’m sure there are weird circumstances that prevent some people from meeting up after a few messages on an app. They get sick, travel, have to spend time with family, etc. But if a person knows they aren’t available for the better part of a year, they shouldn’t be dating this way to begin with. People shouldn’t be on an app unless they’re comfortable moving the party elsewhere.
I assume you started this process to find romance — in person. That means this man is not a good match. Tell him it’s time to say goodbye — and then block him. Don’t give him the chance to message his way back in. Grieve the good conversation and connection you lost, and then, when it feels right, get back on the app. Ask people to meet — via FaceTime or Zoom, at the very least — after a few messages.
I hope this goes without saying, but don’t give this man — or anyone on apps — any of your money. If this man squeezes in a request for help with his business, block him immediately.
– Meredith
READERS RESPOND
His business is called “Wife and Three Kids.” HEYITHINK
The only circumstance that matters is that he’s unavailable to you. You want an in-person relationship. He’s not going to give you that. TERMINATER5
You need to ask yourself, Why have I been willing to put up with this virtual relationship? How is it serving my needs? Am I afraid to go on a real date where things are not as pure, simple, and controlled? HEYITHINK
Take it from me, I have been on these dating sites and this is a classic, “I really like you and can’t wait to be together,” etc. But the thing is, you won’t ever meet him. He will eventually ask you for money or gift cards. This is a scam, delete him and never talk to him again. You won’t ever get what you want from this person. LEFTYLUCY
It’s possible she’s given him money and didn’t mention that in the letter. FREEADVICEFORYOU
Honestly, how can we really be here, so many years into the Internet age, with people not understanding that people are not who they say they are? You don’t know him, you don’t love him. Demand a meeting and/or move on. There’s nothing to see here. ASH
Find the new season of the Love Letters podcast at loveletters.show. Send your relationship quandaries and questions to loveletters@globe.com. Columns and responses are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.
